Stress

I would be lying if I did not say I was stressed out right now. But in the end, I have found I am stressed because I am not patient. I am not taking my time to enjoy what I am going through. I am rushing through everything and attempting to live at the same time.

Seriously, look my my schedule... I have everything planned out, almost to when I would even be going to the bathroom and where. Talk about boring. I have found my stress comes when things are not going to plan. I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM A PLAN GUY! I grew up despising those people and thinking little of them... Now I have ALL the respect in the world for them.

BUT I am beginning to change from that. I mean, do not get me wrong, I am very adaptable, however, I get stressed if it is my plan we have to go from. ESPECIALLY when I can't do something because of my scdeule. It was a CRAZY week.

However, I am learning again how to find God. It sounds simple to think about, but it is a moment by moment thing. Yes, I gave my life to Christ when I was 8, but I have been fighting for years to still know Him.

Keep prayin. Working out it great! Let me know how you need prayer or encouragment!

God Bless,
Casey

Long LONG day!

Today was just too long. I had so much I had to do. It reminded me of the days I was running away from! I sadly could not work out tonight, and the pain in my back is slowly coming back.

However I am still optimistic! I can still do this!!

On a happier note, I get a break from Grand Forks this weekend with a trip to the cities! I can't wait!

Sorry for the short post, but just wanted to update!

Level of Confidence

Man, was I sore and tired today after last nights work out! I am excited to get this week done with. SOO many things happening! (Also, as a point of confession, I hate dealing with the parking ticket office, by the end of the conversation, I had no clue what I was saying anymore or what I am suppose to do. Not to mention I probably did something illegal to begin with... JEEPERS!!)

Anywho.

This will be a short update. I need some recipes. I am starting to become a little more adventurous, plus I plan out my meals! So that is fun.

I still have a lot to learn in life. And that is sometimes the hardest part. I wonder what am I suppose to be doing, or what should I be doing. It is not an easy thing to do.

I will say this, I am starting to enjoy the mystery of life more. I still have a lot to learn.

More importantly, I am learning a lot about behavior. I am learning that relapsing in old habits is normal and expected. To think that one can stop cold turkey without relapse is only going to lead to a lot of guilt. I think that is where my heart is trying to work out right now. I am dealing with all the gunk inside my life that I have built up for years. I am recognizing Christ more in some ways. Some days, I recognize Christ as right next to me, and other days (sometimes in long stints) I can barely even remember Christ and what Christ's Love truly means. I just have to battle through that.

Thank you all for the support! let me know how I can pray for you!

-Casey

It is what it is!

I took my first day off. I was not feeling well, I was exhausted, and I had some aches. I sadly woke up with them too. I was informed to just take a small break, as long as you promise yourself to get back into it. They also told me that being Healthy is not about getting to the gym every moment, but resting, eating right, and challenging yourself.

Welp, as much as it pains me to say that I feel defeated after not going last night, I am happy to tell you my small victories. I usually play cards, but when I do, I usually eat just tons of terrible food for you. Last night, I had dinner after my financial class, and I am pumped to say that when I went to play cards, I had 4 Bagel crisps bites, one peach-O and one chocolate turtle... Usually it is MUCH more!! It was proud mostly because I chose to drink water too! usually it is some sugary drink. The best part was, it was as if it were natural for me to ask for water! It just felt good!

Now, I am taking the Dave Ramsey Financial University class, and I must say, even after the first lesson, I am pumped! My mind is already changing, and I hope my actions follow! Plus, I LOVE the support! All of you should consider being a part of it!!

Anywho, Enjoy your day, and  if you are in the tundra of ND... STAY WARM!!!

God Bless,
Casey

Wowzers.... Sore.

Today, I admit, last night was a hard work out. I had to stick with aerobic, because I was exhausted and had some aches, and it was suggested that I be careful with my shoulder.

Back story- I have a bad shoulder and knee.

Anywho, moral of the story is, be patient. I am learning about patience right now. I am learning that when I look in the mirror I need to look at myself, and not the image of what I "should" be. In the end, that seems to be worthless. When I look in the mirror I am learning that I am constantly being me. What else is greater than that... Nothing. Even though I felt like such a slacker, I realized the whole moral of the story is not to starve myself, or to run until I lose ten pounds, the story is about all this healing that I need. ON the outside, I was fine, but on the inside, God only knows what was going on. See, I am taking active steps toward Christ, and finding out what I was really missing out on.... It is not easy.

I am realizing though, that life is better lived, being honest, not just about how I feel but about who I am!

I am sore today, and tired... it is has been a long day... But I am alive. I am well. I am thankful!

Let me know how I can be prayin for yaw!

God Bless,
Casey

Count on me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwMvlNLV8ZU

I am typically not a fan of Hip-Hop (partially because I tend to break into random dance), but this is a catchy song. I really appreciate it too!

Last night was aerobic and legs... Needless to say, "going hard" for the last 5 minutes exhausted me. It killed me it seemed, but yet, I am looking forward to another day of going to the gym. I must admit, that I am pretty dang tired, but this week is flyin by, and pretty soon, I can say I have two weeks done... TWO WEEKS!!!

Apart from this, I will be also taking a Financial class with my church. I am interested seeing that I have no clue what the next year of my life will bring. I pray I am following the leading of Christ, and that I am involved with a job that I am passionate about.

Now, what I am asking for these next few days are some good and cheap recipes! I have been eating healthier food, but I am ready for some new meals!! Although, I am still in love with Chicken and Rice!!

Let me know how I can be praying for you! Send me an e-mail, leave a comment or text!

Much Love
Casey

E-Mail- casey.s.hayden@gmail.com
Cell- 651-470-4967

New Week, New Plan

First, I will admit, I was not AS healthy as I wanted to be this weekend, but, I will say, it is the first time in a LONG time that it was in moderation. That is a huge plus. Not to mention, I borrowed a projector this weekend, some may think it was the worst idea ever, I, on the other hand find it to be incredibly awesome. It was a great time of community and playing games from my High School years. Man did it rekindle my passion to play video games! Also we watched how to train your dragon... Talk about a tear jerker... It was great!

BUT Now a quick update! I worked out last night, and man did it kill! It seems that I was just down right exhausted after the work out. I decided to go a little harder in my aerobic part of the work out and it just killed me! However, I am blessed to say that I made it. I am finding a way were I am making time to work out and be healthy. I am making my lunch, and eating it all. I feel alert when I need to be and tired early so I am not up until the crack of dawn.

However, do not let me deceive you in saying that everything is going for me. I woke up with my first injury too. My lower back muscle (Gluteus Minimus/ or Lats) hurt really bad, thankfully they feel a million times better with a heating pad. Usually in the past I have been known to just stop working out, but not this time, I actually went and worked through the pain (ok, in reality I just was careful and was gentle with the muscle.)

I have learned something to add to this journey: "Freedom is not having everything we crave, it's being able to go without the things we crave and being OK with it. " — Rob Bell

I need to balance this more. As I am working out, am I working out to gain what I crave or am I doing this in order to learn more about being ok with who I am. I do not believe that God intended for me to have moments of gluttony, but I do believe that God has given me freedom to desire Him, and more importantly be ok with everything around me. I seem to be coming more involved with the concept of freedom as it leads me to peace.

God Bless.
Casey

The first week... Done.

"Step Four: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." "But what we discover is this: If we do not use our present circumstances as a challenge, a trigger, and an invitation to look within, we will find ourselves dancing through a repeat performance." - (12 Steps) Melody Beattie

It was awesome to make it one whole week. I ended last night pretty easy! I ended my week perfectly fine. It was a good day. Sadly because of a hockey game, I will not be running tonight, but it is ok, because I for some reason am wanting to go work out (It actually feels strange to feel this way).

It has surely been a tough week, but I have already learned so much. I am starting to value more parts of my day. I have learned to enjoy A LOT already.

So to celebrate the fact that I made it a week, I even have eaten healthy food's in smarter proportions, I will take my Friday night meal and celebrate by having one not so great meal for ya! BUT I will not stuff myself with it!

Please keep praying with me as well! This is not an easy thing to have done, but it is the right thing!

Now I want to leave with one last comment and that is to learn with me something I am learning. I am learning about the mystery of Christ. Too often I have claimed something as a definite fact, and then learned something differently and gone with that. So now, I am going to start to embrace the mystery of Christ. There is so much to learn, yet so much that still remains a mystery. I think that is often my problem in life, I want the answer now, and I claim it as truth, but yet so many things change. I guess that is the importance of relationships with God and each other. It is really hard, but I am learning to find Christ more and more by embracing Him instead of teaching. I leave with a quote that is helping me to embrace the mystery:

I confess I find it suspect when Christian teaching is more concrete than Christ's teaching.- Donald Miller\

Also, check this out if you get a chance:
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

God Bless,
Casey

Wow... I am pretty sore.

Last night was another great workout, it was also the hardest work out. I did 3 sets of 15 in nearly everything I did. I also did heavier weights and pushed myself. It was so hard, but I thought of everyone who is encouraging me, and it helped me. (I think I was curling like 400 LBS or something, I lost count)...

Anywho, I am extremely sore. I have forgotten about that part. But I still have a since of calm and joy even though today, for the first time I was going to a class, I wrote down the wrong room and have no clue where it is. But you get through.

Tonight's workout is legs again, and it will be high reps and heavier weights... It will be hard, but nice to know I can push through.

I have some thoughts for today. Lot's of things are going through my mind, especially ones of doubt. I am often known for starting what sounds like a great idea, but ends pretty poorly. Thus, why I am trying to be open about everything that I am going through right now for the support.

I am learning to make this journey my own. Which is often hard, I am so use to working with people that I forget a lot of my own personal drive. So today, I will leave you with a quote that has helped me many times:

Sam, on the verge of entering Mordor -

"We shouldn't be here at all, if we'd known more about it before we started. But I suppose it's often that way. The brave things in the old tales and songs, Mr. Frodo: adventures, as I used to call the...m. I used to think they that they were things the wonderful folk of the stories went out and looked for, because they wanted them, because they were exciting and life was a bit dull, a kind of sport, as you might say. But that's not the way of it with the tales that really mattered, or the ones that stay in the mind. Folk seem to have been just landed in them, usually--their paths were laid that way, as you put it. But I expect they had lots of chances, like us, of turning back, only they didn't. And if they had, we shouldn't know, because they'd have been forgotten. We hear about those as just went on--and not all to a good end, mind you; at least not to what folk inside a story and not outside it call a good end."(Lord of the Rings)

Much Love, feel free to send me prayer requests!

God Bless,
Casey

Running a little late

First and foremost, I want to have anyone who is reading this blog to take time and pray for Haiti. It has been one year, but there is still many years of restoration to come. May God move us to remember that Love is still a worthy cause, no matter how broken and out of control. This day should be in remembrance of them, and a day to actively seek God with them.

Sorry for the day late post.

Everyone who posted a song, I want to thank you. By the end of my workout, I was a little confused why I was done, because I had some sweet songs!! Keep posting them, it is truly encouraging to hear those songs!

Now, I want to comment on a few things first. Yesterday It was pretty darn easy to go work out. I am not sure why (probably because it is leg day for lifting, and I really enjoy that!). It was nice to just go to the Wellness Center, even though things with school are a little crazy (after all it could be my last semester at the campus of UND).

For all of you wondering, what else am I doing besides working out, I am putting myself on a healthier diet... Meaning, I am essentially cutting out terrible things I use to eat. I actually feel lively now, all because I am eating more fruit, yogurt, protein, and limiting my diary intake and actually moving around... It feels good for now!

Now, I want to end with a few things that I am learning right now. Yesterday although seemed great, still had it's hardship. I realized I had to ask myself, why am I doing this. Why am I trying to be fit, and active and invest in my health... I pray it is not because I want to look the part, or to fit into a mold of how I am suppose to be or any of the sort. Too often we jump into something fully... Half hearted. We believe that we must look this way to get something, to achieve something, to be somebody... So I am challenging myself to realize that this should not be for anybody. I do not need to look a certain way to appease anyone. A song keeps running through my head. It is Sara Groves- This Journey is my own:

When I stand before the Lord, I’ll be standing alone
This journey is my own
Still I want man’s advice, and I need man’s approval
This journey is my own

Why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
What does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life

So much of what I do is to make a good impression
This journey is my own
And so much of what I say is to make myself look better
But this journey is my own

And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life

And I have never felt relief like I feel it right now
This journey is my own
Cuz trying to please the world, it was breaking me down
It was breaking me down

And now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Cuz I know this journey is my own

And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life
And you can live for someone else, and it will only bring you pain
I can’t even judge myself, only the Lord can say, ‘Well done.’

Oh, this journey is my own

NOW, I know the song is old school in the sense of how it sounds, but it is powerful testimony to my call to follow Christ in this decision to break away from my desire to look like the world, and instead work through the freedom Christ is determined to give me. This decision was to not be made by a desire to fulfill a societal image, but instead  to find healing and freedom in Christ.

So, some things I need to be honest about- I am not always the most honest person. I am still trying to be open about the struggles that I am often going through. I still am battling the desire to fit the mold of an image that is cast onto me. As many of you know I am pretty different, and typically can beat to my own drum, but there are some days when beating to my own drum can wear me down.

Some things to pray about- I have 3 internship opportunities, 1 in Duluth MN, 1 in the Twin Cities and 1 here in Grand Forks.  Just pray that I take the best opportunity. Next is just continue to pray with me through this process of healing and getting healthy! It is exciting and hard!

God Bless,
Casey

The time has come

Welp, I started..... I wish I could say it was a great start. I started early at about 8:15 pm (so anxious...)


 I Actually dragged my feet. I am not sure what it was, but I just felt as if there was a lot going against me going into this. It was not a huge force, but I was at least able to fight through it and made it.

I Guess it is a blessing to say I made it through my first night of running and lifting.

I ended my night with blogging. I am about to go make my lunch for tomorrow (Chicken and Rice wrap with yogurt and water to drink, with a small bagging of something undecided.... I am actually excited!)

But more importantly I ended my night with a song that is really hitting home- Sometimes you can't make it on your own, by U2... It is hitting home because as I become further into this, I can't be hiding everything that I am going through. This is not just a get healthy kick, this is a time of reflection. Soon, I will have to decide what is going on after college. I am going to need a job, need a place to live, need a dog?... All I know is that there is a few road blocks, but many directions that must be explored.

The other huge reason I enjoyed that song is because I am surely realizing that I can't do this on my own. I need my friends and most importantly my family. It is a blessing to say I have a loving family.

So today's honesty, I do not want to do this, I am often comfortable hiding what I am really going through in my mind, but I know, Because Christ has died to set me free, I must truly be set free, even from the things I am hiding.

NOW, what I need from everyone is a song- Just send me a song or two so that I can listen to it while I am working out, or cooking, or walking to class. I need some of these songs to know that I have people around me, and so that I can be thinking about you all while I am doing any variety of tasks! ALSO, if you have a prayer request, e-mail me at casey.s.hayden@gmail.com

After writing this, i feel better! (Also if you get a chance, see Despicable me)

God Bless,
Casey

Monday at 9pm

It is going to be a hard journey. I usually get injured, and hurt myself, but this time, I am not going to allow myself to get fooled. I can't go one living the way I am, and attempt to feel healthy.

So, my challenge, pray with me, encourage me, and spur me on. Cause God knows I need it.

I want to do something different though, I want to be prayin with you all! I want you to help you as well. Please shoot me an e-mail, asking me to pray with you on a certain topic, or if you want to share a part of your journey with me, I would love that!

 (email: caseyshayden@gmail.com)


Please send me something you want me to pray about, or for someone else about. It will all be annonymous.


I will try to update as much as possible!! Much Love!
Casey!