P.S. Friends-
Today I write you in the same boat that I was in the other day, but I write you in a different storm. Today, I have come to recognize a few things that I failed to mention. In my personal light, I wanted to point out, that as valiant as I may have came across in my letter, know very well that I ALONE am weak. I could not do this alone. That is SPECIFICALLY why I resonate with Christ, not as my crutch, but as my Hope. I do not lean on Christ so that I may merely get by in life. I follow Christ, and lean on Christ when I am weak. God is not my crutch, God is one whom I serve, and God is the reason I do the things I do.
BUT, I want to expand. It is not easy to examine your life, and learn to Love yourself. In fact, I would say it is extremely hard. The moment you agree to have full Faith in who God is, and how God can shape your life, is the moment extreme FEAR and FRUSTRATION and GUILT set in. I promise you, if you try to make it on your own, you will learn the FASTEST ways to compromise inorder to feel like you are making the "safe" decision.
I am always in that boat, but I noticed it, and I want to share this with you to let you know, I am ready to get out. I am ready to learn how to be secure in WHO I am. I wrote that letter not in hopes that EVERYONE would instantly do the same, because some people are in GODLY relationships. I wrote that letter in hope that people would understand that there is more to life then finding your "soulmate" BUT more importantly be careful of who you call your "soulmate."
Much Love,
Casey
OO wait I should explain....
This is for the Men-
Stop waiting and start living.
No one wants a wimp, everyone wants a passionate and caring man. Guess what, not all of us (including me)believe we are that way. Not all of us know when to say the right thing, not all of us know when to say the honest truth about that hideous dress... But at the same time, there is a LOT to learn about how to be passionate, and how to be caring.
Trust me, I challenge you to meet wit someone who is following Christ and is also married.
Now, here is the real problem for most single dudes... You are asleep. You are asleep. You are not paying attention to ANYTHING going on around you. You are so indulged in your "dreams" about the way life should be.
Wake up. Your prayer needs to be "God, WAKE me UP." If you mean that, I promise you, you will have new eyes for life. If you are sleeping right now, I beg you to open your eyes so that you may see the beauty all around you.
Secrets for Men-
1- Women want to be cared for and sought after. At the end of the day, I would almost bet, that a woman wants to be cared for. Someone to just simply care about them, their day, their life. Serve her. Serve her. PLEASE, I beg you, take some time, and just serve her. Make her dinner, make her a gift, do something specifically for her. Don't do it rarely, do it often. Fight for her. PLEASE. If you truly care about her, and she cares about you, don't allow the world to break that, because all sorts of evil will try to. Serve together. Show her how you Love God and invite her to be a part of that. I promise you, a successful relationship points to Christ, provides Hope, pours Love and makes the woman feel honored, confident and radiant. The feelings of Love will come and go, but sticking to the fight is a continual battle.
2- Learn to sacrifice. Are you willing to do what it takes? Being in a friendship is like the first game of basketball, pursuing someone is like playing in the final four. Marriage, welp, that is a whole different game. Be willing to sacrifice in it. Make sure, that it is not all about you.
3- 1 Tim 6:9-10 "9People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs." A pastor once said, "Your Money screams what you worship"... What are you investing in? In fact, I would hope that the girl I invest in would ask me, how does your wallet look, and if I am quick to say "I am buying a boat" and then she asks me "Did youe tithe this month?" and I answer "Yes, but not the full amount, because BULLCRAP BULLCRAP BULLCRAP"... I pray she leaves me on the spot. Trust, a man who does not know how to handle money, and only desires to get things for himself, is a man FAR from the TRUTH. If all you do is build up your money, what are you going to do with it? I promise you, if you are generous towards others with your money, your life will reflect... This is a hard topic, trust me, AMAZON.com is straight from hell, just like chemistry (just kidding), but if you cannot learn to control, and give back and help, then your life will surely reflect it. I am not saying you have to give millions, but if you learn to give generously, is when you learn to take on Godly traits.
4- Let me tell you 3 secrets all in one. Facebook, Texting and e-mailing. This is possibly the WORST way to ask a girl to simply go on a date. I am not kidding when I say this, texting a girl "will you go out with me" while she is at her house, is possibly the WORST way to ask a girl out. Man up,(I will too), but seriously, writing on her Facebook wall is not only creepy, it is stupid. Don't do it. Stop. I am not kidding. You want to step out there, talk to her. You find her interesting, ask her out. If you fall in Love with her, ask her to marry you. This sounds simple, I know, it is nerve racking, NO MAN ever likes rejection, trust me, my friends make fun of me when I get nervous but I promise you, what is going to grab the attention of a woman, is a man who does not place his identity in how nervous he is, how much he fears rejection. Step up now, and you will learn how to step up in life. God loves the heart of the courageous because they will be the ones who desire to not be complacent, but find many ways to follow God (even into life of a woman).
5- Be adventurous. Stop hiding who you truly are. I know a wide variety of men, and I promise you, I have YET to meet a man who does not enjoy a good adventure. I am not sying go and climb mount everest, I am saying learn to get away and do something that you tyically never do. Keep things alive and make sure it is not complacent. It is hard to do that, but take one day a month and just say, on this day we are going to try this, and it will be new, and we may love it or hate it. OR say, we are going to go camping, or hiking or star gazing or cooking or go on a mission trip... Be adventurous.
6- Leave a legacy. Set a precedance. I pray that every man out lives his wife, so that he can take care of her while she is old. Your relationship should be such a light, that your children should want to view it as a model. If you follow Christ, and you believe in the restoration, you will recognize that sex is not the answer, having kids is not the answer (often times it hinders marriages), having feelings is not the answer... Loving God and her when it is not convinent for you, will teach you how to live a Faithful marriage and relationship.
7- Take a woman who does not take her faith in a shallow light. Both men and women fall for that. Just because she is hott, does mean she is following Christ. Just because you find her more beautiful then anyone, just means that you have seen how Christ created her body, but not shaped her soul. I am not saying physcial attraction is not important, but if you LOVE to be around a person, don't wait for her to lose 10 lbs, get lighter her and start tanning, because you should be punched then. Love a woman for her heart. NOW, what I am also getting at, don't take a girl who is shallow in her faith. I am not saying she has to have memorized the bible, but if she refuses to go to church, refuses to take part in serving... Drop her. I know, she is beautiful, but she is not Faithful. If she only cares about how you look, run from her. If she only cares about your IQ, run from her. If she does not Love to be around you, run from her. If she does not appreciate wisdom, run from her. Dating a luke warm christian girl, is like watching flag football for 5 hours with flat soda... Horrible and none adventurous. If you are intimadated by her Faith, SPRINT AFTER HER, because I promise you, it is a beautiful thing to be with a woman who is seeking God. I am not saying she has to be perfect, I am saying she should be seeking in deep waters.
For Women-
Start breaking down.
We live in a culture that clealy tells you how the BEST way to live is. I promise you, it is wrong. BUT more importantly, there is this lie about "What Type of MAN" you need to be going after... 6'4", blonde, blue eyes, wash board abs, tan, clean cut, works out, healthy, power player, millionaire who is charitable, does not go to church, does not talk to his family and so on...
If you can't date Jesus, then you need to re-think your positions on dating. I promise you, Jesus is not blonde with blue eyes and not 6'4"... I promise you that. I am not sure about his abs though?
Now, My hope is that you begin to realize we must begin to break down the culture is by growing in your LOVE for God.
Secrets-
1- Is it wrong to let a guy know your interested? No, but it is wrong to ask him to change your last name. Drop a hint, I will give you two- "If you asked me on a date, I would say yes" and "Genesis 2:18... yea... Think about it..." Literally, I meant it when I say do not pursue, dropping 1 hint is perfectly fine, but doing the work, get out. I promise you, it is ok for you to just drop a hint.
2- If he stops pursuing, drop him. Get out. You are beautiful, and if he is not willing to be continually walk with you, get out. If he stops seeking your heart, get out. Because it will only get worse. I know that is hard, but if he no longer is fighting for you, way would you want that? I promise you, if a man truly cares about you, he will pursue you and fight for you. He will make it know how he truly cares for you. If he stops, and you will know (when you go on a date, is he with you, or with his phone? When you visit your family, is he constantly finding a way to get out of that? Is he willing to listen when you are sharing your heart with him?) If he stops, I promise you, it will be hard to leave, but God did not intend to create you to be forgotten, unloved, unheard or beaten. If he stops pursuing now, how will your marriage look? Will he even ask you to get married? How will the rest of your life look? If a man does not Love you enough to encourage you in your relationship with Christ. If a man does not invite you to be a part of his heart while listening to yours, if a man is not willing to identify with Christ, if a man does not learn how to let you know you are special to him, Get Out. I promise you, just because he says he is a christian and is an amazing kisser, does not make him a Christ Centered man. I am sorry, but if a man is trying to get his hands all over you, and test how far you are willing to go, you will compromise, and you will begin to walk away. God created you to be beautiful, and if a man has already convinced you to this, I promise you, you do not have to live this way anymore, you can get out. If you are about to get into this, run. I know it is hard to be pure in this world, but there are men out there who are not going to desire to make you compromise, and they want to serve you and pursue you and fight for you. That is a man.
3- Don't go to your bitter single friends. Going to your bitter single friends will literally and typically lead to one conclusion- "Get out of that, he will just leave you anyway, all men are dumb".... Don't do it. I firmly believe there is no reason to take their advice. When a person is bitter, they are not focused on Christ, they are focused on how they have been cheated. I am not saying what happened to them was right, but I am saying is, know where their heart is at, otherwise they will be giving broken advice.
4- Don't be in a relationship with someone who you Love but want to change- I promise you, you will fail. Don't bother. If that man has a bad habit, (Yelling, Dramatic, Anger, Compromises) get out. Your Love is not strong enough to change him, leave him as soon as you can, because if you have to change him for his habits, you are going to have to carry him when YOU are in the valley. Love is not a convinent gift, and I promise you, if your goal is to change them, you will grow tired and weary. Their soul is not on your hand, and don't try and make it that way, because in the end, he will not grow. Why did Noah let the Dove go? Because if Noah did not, the bird would have never had a chance to return with hope. Let him go, and let God shape you.
5- This is short one- Dont wear clothing that draws our attention to areas that make us wonder what is underneath it...
Both
1- We all have baggage. I know that. I have baggage. I have junk building in my heart. I know we all have a past, things we HATE about ourselves, things we wish NEVER happened. Things that will literally tear apart marriages and relationships... If you don't address it. Everyone is carrying a burden, we all have a dark past. God knows that. God does not want you to feel shame about that. We know that pain is in us. Stop hiding in it. Stop living to hide your life and your past, because it will literally come back to bite you. You will learn how LOVED you truly are when you allow Christ to enter your life and be reformed in it. Stop hiding your baggage. I promise you, if you atleast bring the baggage in front of you, you can begin the process of being restored. When you enter into a relationship, if you continue to hide your baggage, you will spend all your time in marriage trying to hide it, instead of loving each other. God does not want to condemn you for your past, God wants to restore so that you may live freely. Evil wants you to carry that baggage, God wants you to know Jesus died to take that baggage!
2- It is good to be known as the "Prude"... Guess what, integrity is beautiful, and if people know you have integrity with out you having to flaunt it, MORE POWER TO YOU. There is something to say, about a person who has a good name (Proverbs 22:1 1 Choose a good reputation over great riches; being held in high esteem is better than silver or gold). Keep that good name, and guess what, if you fall, get back up, because that is a powerful statment.
3- You have to deal with the family. I am sorry, but suck it up. You need to learn to LOVE each others families, even if you hate it. Your families are a part of why you are the way you are...
4- This will be short- If you have to convince them why you are the right one, then you will spend your life doing that. Stop now. If someone does not see you for who God has shaped you into, then leave them. Trust me, telling them why you are a good person, telling them why you need to stay together is horrile. Convincing someone to Love you (or if they are trying to do that to you get out) will never work. That is not what God meant for you.
Lastly, the Devil is a liar. That jerk is going to try and tear apart the blessings we have. Fight it with trust, Hope, Love and Faith. I promise you, evil cannot destroy a marriage if it is honest and open, because evil is darkness, and if you open and share your darkness that you are giving to God, evil will be confused and unsure what is happening. The evils of the world are destroyed if you stop hiding the darkness. They will bring you down, but God's Grace will cover that. God's Love will cast out fear and cover over all faults.
Much Love,
Casey Hayden
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