I write you today to let you know that I am still single, and still learning. I know there is purpose inside that. I continually have reminded myself that life is not about living for the next learning moment, but instead learning to live freely in the life we have been freed to live. I am still learning a lot about Hope and Faith and Love. And let me tell you, it is hard. I have learned my whole life that God has a plan for me. But my problem was, I have been waiting so long to see that plan. Even now I sit convicted because I have lived so much trying to see God's plan for me. I have read so many books, had so many conversations (some arguments) about faith and following God and what that all looks like.
I am here today to tell you something, tell you what I have been learning. I have begun to learn what it truly means to be free. I have begun to learn what it means to be invited to God's plan. I have begun to see why sorrow comes with the night and joy comes with the morning. I can honestly say God has been pulling my heart in more ways then I truly want. (Warning: if you are genuine about your prayers about being involved in God's Kingdom, be sure you are ready, God will answer)
I have learned so much what it truly means to be in relationship with friends and family. I am continuing my education on what it means to be in a relationship with a being that is female. I have learned so much about forgivness. I have learned so much about people.
I am still a sinner. I get that. BUT I also know that God is not calling me that. God calls me His Own. I am new and refreshed, while being filled with hurt and pain. (Reason- I blame prayer, and asking God to open my heart to the hurt around me)...
To that, I love you all.
Much Love,
Casey Hayden
OO Yea... let me explain.
Guys-
I have learned so much about who we are as men. I have learned that we are not the enemies to women (I know, weird right?). We aren't. We are the enemies to ourselves. My battle is not with women or other men, but with myself. Because of that battle with myself, it reflects on how I treat peope and interact with them.
I have learned something. I am going to tell you straight up. Men, you are strongest when you are weakest. God has this tricky thing going on in us that we will never understand, but for some reason when we are tempted and feel the worst, somehow God makes us extremely strong... Weird right? I mean think about it. When I begin to struggle the most with any given thing, somehow I feel like I am given this choice. I have a choice to either do the thing I really don't want to do, or choose to do the thing that is right. I meet with peers who have addictions of some sorts. One of the things I tell them is, the moment you feel the most temptation (that rock bottom feeling where you want to do it so bad, but do not want to at the same time) to drink to get drunk is the moment where God gives you the freedom to choose not to. Talk about powerful. When I talk with them about this I always hear about how they feel is if they have no power, but I try to always say, that is when you have the most power. Right then, in that decision, you have the most power to say NO, and walk away.
Our battle within ourselves is powerful. It is amazing when you truly examine us. I have seen something in myself and other close friends recently. Every Man wants ADVENTURE. We get sick and tired of the same things over and over. Adventure means something different to every man, but we want it.
So, I have some tips I learned about how to battle yourself:
1) Fight yourself. I am not saying like Dwight Schrute in that one episode of the Office when he fights himself literally. I am not saying punch yourself. I am saying though, inside all of us is this fear, this deep down fear of exposure. The moment we feel, is the moment we see something we don't want. I beg you here and now, to start fighting that inside you. Stop ignoring who you are, stop trying to show who you are not. I am going to reveal some secerts about us men. We hate when people see who we really are. We hate when people wrong us. We hate when people see our flaws. We hate talking about all of the above... I get that. But fight yourself. When you feel like you are falling into this person who you are not, I beg you to fight yourself. I beg you to choose the other way. When you start to feel like you are hiding parts of you, I beg you to fight that. You will end up feeling more empty that way. I beg this because I have seen it done to me. I know my real close friends can tell you how many times I have wanted to give up. They can show you the e-mails and letters and tell you about the conversations about me faking who I was, and what was truly going on inside me. I beg you because I always end up empty, and that is the worst feeling.
2) Adventure. You want to learn how to fight yourself, start adventuring. Sometimes go alone, sometimes go with others. Just go. Learn to be free. Climb a mountian or cure cancer. God wants us to freely and authoriatively move about this earth. Just take time, and just go. I promise you, life is waiting for you. I promise you there is something greater out there. Explore. Try new things. Broaden your horizens. Go boldly where no man has ever gone before.
3) Yell out to God. Don't be afraid to just yell and scream and work through your heart. It will be painful, but none of what I tell you means anything if you are truly captured and consumed by the battle within you. If Christ is true, which I know to be, then you are free. You are free from everything that this world has ever told you to be. Being a man does not require you to be JUST a strong, courageous, bold body builder, and I am not asking you to cry whenever you watch the movie Pride and Prejudice. I get that. But I beg you, don't hold it all in. I beg you to scream out to God to open your heart. God wants you to be free, but if you do not fight that battle within you, and start adventuring past yourself, you will never understand the truth of who God created you to be. We are not meant to be domesticated creatures, cookie cutted into a way of life. We are meant to live freely and to go boldly where no man has ever gone before.
4) I wil give you a secret about women- they are looking to be freed. Who knows, maybe God is wanting to utilize you to point out to a certain female they are free and can freely live. It is very interesting how Adam and Eve worked out. They obviously had to work through it all together. think I know why too. They were both EXTREMELY vulnerable. They learned together. They fell together, but got back up together, because God as not about to let them stay down.
Woman-
I just want to preface this with, I will never understand a lot of things about you. Especially back seat driving.... I am just kidding... But in all honesty, I want to share what I hae learned about women these past few months on my adventure in God's invitation to life!
I have learned that you truly do feel deeply. Your feelings burn deep inside you. Your feelings fuel your passions. Your feeling fuel your desires. Your feelings fuel your logic. I am not sure what it is, but one minute you could be listening to your favorite song, singing joyful, and then not but 1 second later, I can essentially create a waterpark from your tears. I don't get that, but I understand that the inner you screams joy, and screams memories that call for your tears. Because you feel deeply, I get that.
God Loves that. I always think of the strong female leaders that led because of the passions, desires and logic fueled by the presence of God and the nature of the feelings you have throug that. Mother Teresa is a prime example. She felt God calling her to India, and for years worked her way to get there. Upon her arrival, not too long after, she stopped feeling the presence of God in her life. But she kept going. Her feelings she had once felt from God kept her thristy for more and for others to have that same thrist. The best part is, her feelings of God being absent fueled her even more to strive after God by serving the people.
Now, suggestions:
1) Be like Momma T... JOKE. But I will say embrace your feelings. Address them and truly seek out what they mean. If you have a passion, it is likely that God is there with you. God is not calling you to be meek. I can promise you that. God is calling you to a passionate life fueled by the feelings of God in your life. Embrace it. Go for it. Don't be afraid of the inner you. Don't hide the inner calling. Don't be afraid to go into this world boldly and passionately. Because we need you to do that.
2) I have to talk about dating: Since all of you are so beautiful, I want to openly say this. Live freely as an individual, and never make a man your life. You will end up empty. Let that man be a compliment to you. God did not create us to be one person, but instead three strings wrapped together. They are not all the same string. They compliment and lead each other. They are diverse and beautiful, uniquely created with a purpose.
3) This world is calling you, but so is God. Here is the difference. God wants you to change this world with the inner you. One of our biggest failings as a christian community is when we tell women to be something they are not. When we tell you how to act, and what guidlines to follow, we forget that God created you differently. You can't change the world listening to the others telling you what to be. God created you to be who you are and to set the captives free with God.
4) Never EVER forget the story I told in my first letter about the rose: God always wants you no matter what has happened in life. Always, and nothing will ever separate God from that.
Both-
I just want to say a few things:
1) God is not going to show you your plan. God is just going to invite you to God's Hope for God's Kingdom. Sad answer I know, but when I realized that it was not about seeing what God has instore for me, but instead living freely through the invitation that God has for me into the Kingdom, I have become more thrilled with what God is doing through the lives of people around me and what God is doing through me! Our biggest problem is we always say it is God's will for me life, and so often if we enjoy it, we feel guilty inside because we feel as if this is not where God wants us. It is like this. I have asked God for years to help me pick my major. You know what God did instead. Did not answer me. I was asking God to tell me everything, but instead, God wants me to freely work through it all. I can tell you right now, God did not create me to be the CEO of a bank, did not create me to be an economist, did not create me to be a doctor. When I began to rule out those things, I began to see how Christ truly created me, and see how God was inviting me to be a part of His Kingdom. By not telling me, God gave me the freed to actively seek God out. I still have doubts about my major, but God is working with me through it.
2) Realize that God is not calling you a sinner. My life is littered with the phrase "Sinner saved by Grace"... But God is not calling me by the name of sinner. God is calling me as His child and by my name. God is no longer concerned with your sin, but instead thrilled by your willingness to Love. You are not some miserable christian, who is just a sinner. Christ died on the cross so that we are now reconciled to a different life. Whenever Paul talks about how we are all sinners, you know what Paul always follows it up with in the bok of Romans? How much God loves you, and wants you, and strives for you and how nothing can separate you fom God's Love, and how you are new and free and not held down by sin anymore. Christ did not free us from sin just so that we can in turn be labeled by it.
I love you all. Please, know that I am always here, and willing to talk about anything. Send me your prayer requests, ask me to go out for dinner or a cup of coffee. I would LOVE to e-mail chat with you if you don't want to go face to face. Call or text me at 651-470-4967. You are all worth it. You are all wonderful. Not one of you is worthless.
Much Love,
Casey
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