Dear Friends, Recently I have had some challenges in life, some things that have really tested my faith. I have been under scrutiny lately about my beliefs and way of life. I have been challenged to change what I believe and what I think. I have found myself in many ways trying to hide what I truly believe so as to appear not shallow, but somewhat real. Most of my friends may not believe what I am about to say, in fact, I would argue a LARGE majority will not. I am going to say it though.
I am electing to not date. This is not a recent decision. This is not fake. I joke CONSISTENTLY about it, about how I am going on a hot date, or find me a wife. I hope you truly know, I do not mean that.
NOW, let me clarify, this does not mean I have not given thoughts to dating someone, but I have elected fully to stay away from it until I get a few ducks in a row. I am not saying I need to be perfect, but I want to make sure that I am walkin what I'm talkin. (This does not mean that I will allows stay where I am at, it just means that I continually grow as I learn)
Thank and much love,
Casey
ooo wait, I should expand. Shouldn't I?
This is for the Men- Men, sometimes it is hard to be the brunt of women's problems and jokes, but I hope by the end of this, you may have learned some sweet things that I have learned. (I credit a lot of this to Perry Noble) If the only reason you are dating a girl is because she is hot and all you can say is "She is Hott!!!-- That’s awesome… Hell’s hot" (PN)
Now, this is where I may lose some people, but stick with me. I refuse to date a girl because she is "Hott"... Because if that is all I notice about her, I am CLEARLY missing the picture. I am not sure if most men understand this, but women were created from us. They were taken out of us. A part of us is missing and it was given to make a woman. They are not an animal that you name and place under your rules and regulations, and since they look good, they can stay a little closer. I promise you, you will learn more about Love if you recognize that women are our companions in life, and if you honor them as such, you will find a clarified picture of how Love and Marriage works. In fact, do you know what God said when he looked at Adam alone? God said it was NOT good for man to be alone...(Genesis 2:18)... can you imagine what True Love would look like if it was based of looks... or if God only let the "Hott" people into Heaven?
Did you know that God thinks everyone is Beautiful? God knows you will not be attracted to ever single girl, but God wants every single one of us to know that every single person is Beautiful.
Men, stop looking for inadequacy because I promise you will find it. Men, stop acting as if you have to be perfect, because I promise you, in the end you will learn to hate yourself. Men, stop trying to fix your weaknesses while over looking your strengths. These are our endless battles, we hate showing what we fail at, we hate not looking as if we have it together, we hate having one weakness. It is ok to be inadequate, because Christ has the strength to get through it. It is ok to not be perfect, because
Christ is making us perfect (if we let Him). It is ok to have weaknesses, just stop focusing on them, and start utilizing the passions God gave you.
Dog may be man’s best friend, but a wife is a man’s best companion.
Challenges for Men
1-Look at her character, not at her curves. It is ok to notice a beautiful woman, but if you undress her in your mind, get away. I pray that you believe you are in a relationship with someone who you cherish their beauty, but I pray you look for a woman with character and integrity.
2-Learn to be inadequate and Love yourself. Stop focusing on what you so wrong. You have strengths, passionately use those and go confidently in that direction. If you don’t you will live your life trying to make up for your flaws.
3-Learn to forgive freely. You will be wronged, and you will feel cheated. Forgive freely. I promise you, you will be more loving, more caring and more desirable if you learn to forgive quickly and move on.
This is for the Women- The best way to put it, you are beautiful, and you DO deserve the best. It is ok to want to be loved.
Now, I want to tell you something here. I want to let you know, you are worthy. You are worthy. I firmly believe that when Christ not only died for you, but lives in you, God made you worthy. You may not feel it, you may not recognize it, but I promise you, You are Beautiful and you DESERVE the best.
I know the world is screaming at you to compromise, because you are not worth it. Even as a Christian girl, you may even believe that you can shape him into what he needs to be… Girls, be saturated in Love.
You are not alone. You never have been. Your feelings of being alone can be destroyed. Don’t try to satisfy that craving by rushing God, and living life on your own.
Don’t compromise, because you will then cover up who God created you to be, a Beautiful Companion with a powerful soul.
Challenges for Woman-
1-Be real, do not be fake in your spirituality. If you have to prove how good you are to keep him, he is not worth it. The journey we take to follow Christ is important, and worth taking. It is an adventure… But if you fake your way through it, you will not make it. Be real, praising God is awesome, saying AMEN and raising your hands during the announcement section during the Church Service is a little extreme. If you are trying to look like you know a lot of scripture and try to fit it into conversation, just stop. Don’t do it. It is not worth it. If a guy is trying to have a conversation with you about the weather, you don’t have to say “YES it is awesome, and it was created by the Almighty Great and Powerful God who is my Lord and Savior.”… Don’t do it. I would rather have an honest woman, who knows 0 verses, and learns what it means to worship.
2-Do not pursue. If you have to do all the work in the relationship, if you have to make it all work, get out while you still can. Stop lying to yourself. If you have to do all the serving, and you have to make it work, and you have to build the relationship… Get out. And if you can’t do it yourself, get someone who can help you get out. I promise you, you deserve better, and there are men out there who KNOW you are worthy of a relationship where you are LOVED. You are good enough, and never compromise that. Never take a man who believes otherwise.
3-Don’t lie to get to know us. If you hate to go hiking, why would you say you “Love It.” If you hate sports, don’t fake it. Don’t try to snag our attention by what you are wearing either. Honor yourself, and be honest. Stop trying to get to know us by dressing in a way that dishonors who you are, and stop faking your way into knowing us. When push comes to shove, you will want to have a relationship that is built on truth and honor.
4-Don’t cry if you don’t get your way. I promise you, it will make matters worst. It is ok to cry, and sometimes you cry just to cry, I get that. BUT if you try to influence the situation with your water works, you will literally ruin the relationship.
5-Your past is your story, and God will make you whole. There is a great story to this, and it is about a girl who had attended a church service. She was a single mother, trying to go to college who was also in an affair. At the service, the pastor brings out a rose and talks about how it smells and how beautiful it is. The pastor passes it around, and preaches about how horrible sex is. He says comments to make you feel guilty about even having sex. Talks about how fun it may be, until you get herpes or pregnant. Sex will ruin your life outside of marriage. You will live a life of guilt. The pastor then after preaching asks for the rose back, and he looks at the rose which is broke now, smells like dirty hands, and the petals are all messed up and a lot are missing. The pastor then says “Who would want this… Who would want this rose? It is broken and useless and no one would want it”… The pastor failed to mention something- JESUS WANTS THE ROSE, Jesus LIVES for it. I promise you, no matter how many times you have shared your body with someone (no matter what your past is), Jesus still wants you. That is the MAJOR point of the gospel, YOU ARE NOT DAMAGED GOODS. Jesus came as one who knew no sin and then became sin FOR YOU, because JESUS LOVES YOU. Stop saying you are not worthy of a Godly man. You see, you are the daughter of a King, you don’t go to the darkness to find a husband, you allow God to bring you to the husband who God has passionately waiting for you. You may think your life is damaged, and dirty and ugly, but we have a God who is willing to get dirty and restore you. God will restore you… Sidepoint-Sex is not destructive, outside of the marriage context, it can damage our souls, BUT God is powerful through it.
Challenges for both men and women:
So Challenge 1- Seek the true beauty of everyone, ESPECIALLY the person you are in a relationship with. This means, if you are dating, take time to learn about them, take time to do things for them, take times to serve them, take time to volunteer together, take time to just be honest with them... When you seek the true beauty of someone, you will gain a strong faith in Love and Companionship.
Challenge 2- Do not compromise. Never Ever compromise your values to please anyone. Stand strong on your morals. If you have confidence in who you are, you will have confidence to do follow Jesus anywhere. Never EVER put yourself in a compromising situation either. There is a point to fighting temptation and fleeing. Fight temptation, flee from sin. Meaning, fight off ungodly desires, and flee from them. If you struggle with purity, then fight off the temptation, and run from it. Don't compromise to have a relationship either. Do not settle for just someone. Being in a relationship is important, but being with just anyone is pointless. Dating to satisfy your feelings will leave you empty. Think about if you married the person you compromised for, when you first started dating, you may have had an OVERWHELMING amount of Joy and felt LOVED, but once the complacency sets in, you will feel MORE alone then you ever have, but you married because you did not want to be alone, but in the end you will feel even more alone then you did before you were dating and married. When you seek the true beauty, you learn to not compromise. Don't take the person who flatters you, or makes you feel good temporarily, take the person who will Love you enough, and inspire you to follow God more deeply, to Love people with more depth, and to Love each other with an unbreakable bond. True companionship is IMPORTANT because it gives us a glimpse of God. If you have to battle satan and your thoughts of inadquacy, you are compromising. (Eve with the fruit?) Don’t do it.
Challenge 3- Don't do this alone. When you are in a relationship, involve other couples, involve people in your relationship because that way, you will be held accountable, but you will also be able to learn from others. Don’t be ashamed of your problems, I would bet everyone has or has had them!
NOW, the last thing I want to say. If we look at the life of Adam and Eve, they were not perfect, but I want to point something else. Adam had a relationship with Christ. Eve had a relationship with Christ. You want to know something cool. Eve was shaped and created by God and brought to the man who Eve did not have to compromise for.
So, if we have a relationship with Christ, and we allow God to shape us and mold us, and bring us to the person, I promise you, you will have problems in the relationship, but you will make it through and you will have a relationship built around Faith, Hope and Love.
I love you all.
Casey
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