Honest

I write this at a time of brokeness. I write this at a time when I should feel joy. I write this at a time knowing that many others feel the same way.

Knowing Christ, Believing in God, Choosing to Follow Him.... Has zero to nothing to do with how many verses you know, how many songs you can sing, how many books you read, how involved you are with His ministries, how many times you worship through song and prayer a week or a day.

4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight
1 Peter 3:4

This verse comes from Peter, an apostle of Christ, written to the leaders of the church and also strangers of the land. He wrote this to the wives, who were trying to win over the men with their looks. They never allowed the men to see their heart, which is the wellspring of beauty.

7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
1 samuel 16:7

This came at a time when Samuel was looking for a king, and in comes David to the scene. Samuel was looking for the tallest, strongest looking manly man...

God does not want our "best"... He wants us all. He wants our everything. That even means our "bad" things.

He wants our anger. He wants our frustration. He wants our dreams.

For too long we have hidden the darkness of our hearts. For too long we have allowed ourselves to be intimate with a friend about one or two things holding us down.

God cares SO MUCH about our hearts. After all, He WEPT with Mary and Martha over Lazarus' death.

I fail to believe that our God does not want us to be honest with Him.

That even means our question such as:
- Where are you?
-How can you let my family live like this?
-What is the purpose of cancer?
-Why does my child/sibling have a developmental disability or impairment?
-Why am I not dating yet?
-Why did you take them away so soon?
-Why do the good die and the bad live?
-Why is this child terminally ill?
-How dare you?
-Why did you not intervene?
-Why can I still not say your name?

OR questions like:
-Why do I find it hard to study?
-Why do I hate working out?
-Why do I not enjoy reading your scripture, but Love serving your community?

or how about from scripture? From Job 30:25-27:
25 Have I not wept for those in trouble?
Has not my soul grieved for the poor?

26 Yet when I hoped for good, evil came;
when I looked for light, then came darkness.

27 The churning inside me never stops;
days of suffering confront me.

He wants your honesty. Why would He only want you to bring Him what you have done good? Are you trying to score points?

God is unfiltered, and He wants your filth. He wants you if you cut yourself. He wants you if you hate the way you look. He wants you if you have done drugs or still do. He wants you if you have had sex outside the marriage bed. He wants you if you have failed a test. He wants you if you are wrestling with even believing in him. He wants you if all you want is to fall in Love with one of His creations. He Wants Your Soul, Heart, Mind. Not to suck the life out of you, to give you a bunch of rules, but to Love you, to give you Life, and be there as you wrestle through what it means to believe.

You see, I believe in all of us there is a darkness, deep deep down, for some of us, it is right on the surface. I believe we try our best SO MUCH to avoid that darkness. We are afraid of what it may bring, what it may entail, how it makes us feel. We are afraid of the darkness in our life. We hate to think of anything that consumes us. I would LOVE to say after reading this, you will be all gravy... but that is all wrong. Darkness can only be due to an absence of light.(clearly).

Don't be ashamed of your darkness. Don't be ashamed of yourself. Don't be afraid to be honest. The only way for light to return is to allow God to shine through your darkness, work through your problems with you. Don't be ashamed to bring ANYTHING to Christ. Because He wants all of it.

This is not easy, and will bring about pain, you may be broken, but so is a puzzle before it is a beautiful peice of art.

Much Love,
Casey Hayden

7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
-2 timothy 1:7

46I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness.
-John 12:46

4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

5 Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.

6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles
-Psalm 43:4-6