A Letter to my Friends (The Journey Continues)

Dear Friends,

It has been a long time since I have written a letter to you informing you of my journey. This letter is going to tell you about my new steps in life. I have realized a lot of things recently, things that have really encouraged me lately. I have begun to notice that I truly do have a problem with being free. I have wondered along this journey to growing closer to God and growing deeper in the relationships around me. I have realized some of my biggest problems.

I NEVER find true rest. How can I invest in God and my friends if I am consistently tired? I talk about finding rest in Christ. I talk about the peace that Christ can bring. I talk about finding joy in Christ… What am I missing?

I feel like we miss that one a lot. I am beginning to realize that I have filled my life with ways to avoid truly growing deeper, and because of that I have missed knowing some of my friends, and in some cases, I have missed their cries for help.

I am beginning to realize that a big reason I never start a relationship with a girl is because of my filled life. I am SO good at filling my life, which in turn makes me miserable to be around.

So I start a new journey, de-filling my life and start investing in my friends, family and school work. More importantly, this journey I am on will be leading to God.

With Love,
Casey S. Hayden

Should I expand? Ok!!

Men-

I have been talking a lot about adventure recently, and how adventure truly frees us, because it is our way for us to connect to God in a thrilling way. I want to be clear though, that adventure does not mean going and going without stopping to reflect or to catch your breath. You know what happens when we don’t take time to catch our breath, we get irritable, we get frustrated, we get unruly and unreasonable. In fact, I would go as far to argue that we even begin to lose touch with ourselves and reality. That is the last thing we want. When we lose connection to our self, we stop listening to the Holy Spirits lead in our life, we often become judgmental and begin to overcompensate trying to prove ourselves over and over again.

I want to free you from yourself today with some challenges, because I am starting to do the same myself.

Here are my challenges-

1) Take a break. Breath. You have no clue your potential in life if you just keep going. The problem we have as men is we never want to say no to a challenge. We accept everything. I just keep thinking to myself why I do. I mean, challenges range from leading a small group to fixing a car. But we have the hardest time saying no. In my own life, I was asked to lead many groups, and half the time, I had no clue what the group was even about. I loved being asked though, and could never say no because of how it made me feel. What is it for you? What are you filling your life with? What challenges are you taking on that you should not be a part of, that are exhausting you, that are ruining your soul, that are destroying your rest? You see, our life is not meant to be filled with clutter, but with purpose. So I challenge you to say no, unclutter your life.

2) Being Passive is not resting. I heard a phrase recently about how girls always pick the jerks and bad kids to date. It makes perfect sense, because us passive guys are not willing to step up. We have not given them a reason not to date them. I gave up the pursuit of dating because I needed to grow up, I need to find God, I needed to step up. I realized how passive I was in most areas of my life. If I am passive, I have no right to complain when the girl I care about ends up dating some punk who has no clue how to tie his shoes, let alone care for a woman. You want to rest fully in Christ then live fully in His arms. You want to fall in Love with the girl you have been talking with and texting. Then I have a challenge. Step up in all areas of your life, and then stepping up to ask her on a date will be like fueling your passion to follow Christ. We ask why girls date jerks, I ask where are the passive guys who claim to be good men. We have to UNDO all that has been done, and begin to show girls that they are worth it. That they are valued, that they do not have to compromise. That they don’t have to go into this world alone and live by the titles given to them. Yet, until that happens, girls will continue to be snatched up by the guys of this world who could care less about them as a Child of God. May Christ’s Love compel us all to UNDO all of this.

3) Living aggressively is not resting. We confuse this one a lot. Being aggressive is over-compensating for something we are trying to hide. Think about it, the more aggressive we are, the less focused we are and harnessed energy we have. There is a large difference between passionately living and aggressively living. Passionately is striving towards a focused goal with direction and purpose. Aggressive living is striving towards a goal at all costs and unfocused desire and unsure motives. Live passionately, and you can have a more full picture filled with moments of rest. If we live passionately for God, then rest should come, otherwise we live in anger which fuels our tiredness making us unbearable to be around. How can we preach a message of Love and Hope if all we do is preach a message from our aggressive get ‘em lifestyle that leads us to more anger. Live passionately and people will want to join you. Think about it. Why do we quote Mother Teresa so much, because she lived passionately, even when she could not recognize Christ, she still found rest through the ministry by serving Him.

Woman-

You spend your whole life building up purpose in your life, but how are you finding it? Where are you placing it? Are you placing your purpose and value in your looks or your status or your friends? What is it?

What are the lies you have bought into? Do you feel like you are just running around from valued moment to valued moment?

I have some challenges, to look deeper into your heart, because as I have learned, you feel deeply, so address it.

Here they are-

1) Find rest in your soul through Jesus. There is an old hymn called “It is Well” and it talks about it being well with your soul, if you get a chance, listen to it, and hum it when you feel as if you cannot find rest. Jesus is calling you right now, but Christ is calling you to look into your heart and answer these questions, what are you placing your value in? If you place your value in what men call you, then you will never find rest. If you place your value in your good grades, then you will never find rest.

2) Being an independent individual is not resting. Relying on yourself to get through life is going to make you tired. I firmly believe in being an individual, I firmly believe that we are called to be unique, but we are never called to be alone. NEVER. Being independently free is not finding rest. Trying to make it on your own is not finding rest. I was reading recently about a girl who says she has no friends that are girls because they can’t get along with them. It was hard to read that, because she only learned what friendship meant because of her friendships with men. Men have a very different interpretation of friendship then women do. We are different. It is SO important for girls to have friendships with other girls. If you are a mother, it is SO important for you to care deeply and invest in your daughter’s life. If you are in a place of leadership, we are in a world drowning right now with a lack of female leadership willing to invest in the lives of young woman. We get so mad because they date men that treat them this way, welp, who cares enough if you are not invested in their life. The hardest thing for me to hear when I am meeting with a student or a peer or in an intervention is when they say they have a no friends that are girls or a mother that will not invest in them or a leader who will not invest in them. I will be honest, if you are not willing to invest, then you have no right to complain. I take no pity in your comments. If you try to deal with your daughter’s depression or substance abuse or pregnancy alone, I understand, but you are making a huge mistake. You live in a world crying out to be heard, the last thing you need to do is be alone in this. In the end, I pray you realize that life is so much better lived with people who care deeply about you and who you can invest in deeply.

3) This is a simple one- screw what the world says about you, because what they really need is you and all of you. Because everyone of you have a beautiful heart that can love the creation in this world in a way that will complete the Kingdom work. I am telling you, you are worthy, because God sent His SON to die and be raised again for YOU! Stop going to the slums of this world thinking you are without value. That is exactly how they can consume you, but instead go to the slums of this world with great Love, and they could never touch you.

Both-

1) This is going to be pretty harsh- You will wreck your soul and trap it if all you can do is tear people down. When you can’t find rest, check what your heart is saying. Here are some examples that I am removing from my life- I do not care to listen to John Piper preach, and I was public about it after a while. Not healthy. I have openly mocked churches, calling them out. Not Healthy. I degraded Mark Driscoll publically. Not Healthy. I have degraded CRU and belittled it for my own gain. Not Healthy. I have publically tarnished theological points on Calvinism or ridiculed Chris Tomlin for not writing most of his songs. Not Healthy. And in the end, who cares. This is something I have worked so hard on recently. It is not easy. But I think about this world too. How many of you have something mean to say about someone? How many of you have something mean to say about your church? About your pastor? About your family? About your parents? About your EX? About the human being Barack Obama? Be honest. We live in a disgustingly sick and negative world that has nothing nice to say about people, even people we have never met. I see Christian protesters march on the grounds of armed forces saying things like God hates Fags, but how many of you have said that with your actions recently? Or how many of you have called your EX a whore or a d-bag? How many of you truly forgave anyone who has wronged you? If you haven’t how long have you been following God and still live in hatred? How many of you preach a message of Love, but yet ridicule the church down the street? Do you wonder why self-mutilation is on the rise among guys and girls? Do you wonder why there is 33,000 suicides a year, and 1800 attempts by teens everyday? Look at our world. We preach hope, yet I ridicule the very man who preaches it! I call myself a Christian yet I promote hatred of a ministry. Who do I think I am? Who do you think you are? We WASTE ALL of our energy nit-picking at the smallest pointless parts of life and we miss the fact the teens and college students are cutting, burning, choking and abusing more than ever. We call Rob Bell this, and ridicule the Catholic Church for that and tease Greg Boyd and Brian McClaren for who knows what. STOP. STOP NOW. You want to know why hatred and aggressive living win out. Because we hate Obama as republicans and despise Bush as democrats. Who gives a rats butt, the president has no power compared to the senate anyway. Calvinism is just a theological concept. CRU is a campus ministry. God never said you have to follow John Piper or CRU, but God never promoted hatred of anything like this are all. We waste all of our ammo cutting down churches and ministries yet poverty, starvation, prostitution, child slavery, abortion and self-mutilation are still rampant. I am not calling you to be dishonest about how you feel, I choose not to listen to certain pastors, not because I hate them. I am not saying be dishonest, but I am saying if you have time to cut someone down, you have time to save a person’s life from any of those things, through Jesus Christ who compels us to be ministers of Reconciliation

2 Corinthians 5:11-21- 11Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade men. What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience. 12We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart. 13If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. 14For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
16So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21God made him who had no sin to be sin[a] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

All I can say is praise God for Grace. Without it, I would be lost and to be honest, would not have been convicted to write this. God promoted LOVE, even when your enemies beat you down. I also beg you to find rest, because your heart is in need of it. Find it in all you do. Take time away to find yourself again. Take time to be true again. Take time to sleep to eat to drink to clean up. Christ’s ways are filled with rest, and peace, not busy challenges and involvement. Christ wants you to invest in the lives of people around you, not just be involved. Christ wants you to invest in your ministry, not just show up. Christ wants you to be fully prepared to face life with energy and strength, not anger and frustration striving for purpose.

With Love,
Casey

Complexity of Sin

How would you define sin? So often we think things are black and white. We think things are clear cut and defined in a way that we understand.

Think of it like this, who is the one sinning in this situation- A woman walks down the street, she has her purse stolen from a 20 year old man who is a drug addict.

Who is at fault?

What if I told you this- This same woman had a chance to help this man 10 years ago. This man had no way to get out of his community, whose friends were starting to do drugs and live a life of defilement. This woman had a chance to get him out, but instead walks right by.

Now who is at fault? Where is the black in white in this picture?

What parable does this remind you of?

Luke 10:30-37
The Good Samaritan
30 Jesus replied with a story: “A Jewish man was traveling on a trip from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road. 31 “By chance a priest came along. But when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. 32 A Temple assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side. 33 “Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. 34 Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. 35 The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins, telling him, ‘Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I’ll pay you the next time I’m here.’ 36 “Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?” Jesus asked. 37 The man replied, “The one who showed him mercy.” Then Jesus said, “Yes, now go and do the same.”

Notice something interesting, the passerby’s. The people, who believed in God, were the ones who just crossed over the road and passed by.

Some people might say the woman was perfectly fine, did nothing wrong. She just missed a chance. Or did she just pass by? Could she have done something about it?

Or how about this story- A man dies from a drunk driving accident. Luckily, his car was the only one involved.

What are your first thoughts? The person who got drunk and died was the horrible man, and got what was coming towards him.

What if I told you, this man lost his son 2 years earlier, separated from his wife 2 months earlier and just lost his job 2 hours before the accident and could barely pay the bills or make a meal. His neighbor was a local pastor, preached great messages, had a thriving church, and would always make sure to wave at him, but never once engaged him.

Then what would you say? Who is at fault?

James 2:14-18
Faith without Good Deeds Is Dead
14 What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? 15 Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, 16 and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do? 17 So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless. 18 Now someone may argue, “Some people have faith; others have good deeds.” But I say, “How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.”

What did the neighbor do? Is not our commandment to Love God with our heart soul and mind and Love your neighbor as yourself?

Or how about this story- There was a prostitute. She was one of the best in town. She wasn’t the most expansive, but she was the most liked. She could live lavishly because of it. One day she ends up in the hospital because she had gotten beaten by one of her costumers.

Who is at fault? The prostitute? The man who beat her?

What if I told you, the only reason she was a prostitute was because she was molested by a family friend as a child, not once, not twice, not even three times, but 10 times. She was constantly told she was good at it and was being told she was asking for it. It was 10 times over 5 years, and her parents never found out. She was part of a church that never invested in her, just told her how horrible sex is outside of marriage, and how you are damaged because of it.

Now who is at fault?

It would have been easy to blame the kid who was a drug addict, because his sin is plain as day right? But what holds the woman who refused to intervene less responsible?
It would have been easy to hate the drunk driver right? Because what he did was shown through his actions.
We blame the prostitutes for making men leave their wives for a night of pleasure, but we so often forget that it is the men who pay, and they people who helped get them into prostitution.

Sin is complex. That is why we can’t be the judge of it. I think so clearly scripture has told us that many times, that we have no authority to judge the soul of a person. Our judgments are so skewed. They are lopsided and frankly not good. What gives me the right to remove a speck from someone else’s eye before I remove the log that is in mine? How do I have the right to judge sin?

Sin is complex. We can’t see all of it. In every situation sin has a context behind it. For the purse thief, it was the fact that no one reached out to him. For the drunk, his neighbor pastor never gave him the time of day besides a wave. For the prostitutes it was the fact that what the man had done to her was wrong, followed up by a church that enabled shame to reside in her, even though it was the man who molested her. Then it was another man who put her in the hospital.

Sin is complex. There are so many factors that we never see. But how often do we judge. How often do we look at a person, see what they have done, and instantly judge them? Compare our lives to theirs? Compare our convictions and sin to theirs?

Sad isn’t it?

Our sin in our life is complex too! There are so many factors we can’t even understand. This year I met with several people who had begun self-mutilating themselves. Each of them had a different reason, a different story, and different scars. It would have been so easy for me to tell them what they do is wrong and sinful. For some of them, there was a co-dependency on another person that led them to this decision. For some it was self-esteem issues connected with their environment and friendship group. For some it was all the pressure to perform to the best. For some it was the struggles at the home that they did not have control of. I have had one person tell me that when they see the blood drip from the cut, it feels as if the pressure and stress of life is being relieved! These stories are painful; they have so many layers to them. It would have been easy for me though, to just write it off and tell them that they have to find another way, and instantly start telling them how wrong it is. They never needed me to tell them that what they did was wrong. Just like the kid who started doing drugs later to steal a purse from a woman needed me to say that. Just like the drunken man who lost his son, losing his wife then lost his life. Just like the prostitute who was molested, told how damaged she was, and ends up beaten.

12 So whatever you say or whatever you do, remember that you will be judged by the law that sets you free. 13 There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you. (James 2:12-13)

Judgment is not for us. I am not saying I am perfect at not judging people, I am far from it. But what I am saying is Love must play a larger role in our life. God loves these people. Loves the people who self-mutilate, who are drug addicted thieves, who are lonely drunks, who are prostitutes beaten down. God loves the Christian who is hiding parts of their lives from the church. God loves the person who has no money but tries to live lavishly with their friends. God loves the person who drives a BMW and the person who can’t afford a car. God loves the person who wakes up with a smile and the person who seems to have nothing to smile about. God loves the child who has everything and more, and the child who has nothing, not even parents.

Is this not our calling too? God Loves us! We are in a world that is DESPERATE for Love, for relationships to people. To be reconciled back to the arms of forgiveness, redemption and LOVE. Let us leave all the judging of sin to God, and let the Holy Spirit fill our lives.

1 John 4: 16-21
God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.
18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other because he loved us first.
20 If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? 21 And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters.

A Letter to my Friends (The "Later On" edition)

Dear Friends,

I write you today to let you know that I am still single, and still learning. I know there is purpose inside that. I continually have reminded myself that life is not about living for the next learning moment, but instead learning to live freely in the life we have been freed to live. I am still learning a lot about Hope and Faith and Love. And let me tell you, it is hard. I have learned my whole life that God has a plan for me. But my problem was, I have been waiting so long to see that plan. Even now I sit convicted because I have lived so much trying to see God's plan for me. I have read so many books, had so many conversations (some arguments) about faith and following God and what that all looks like.

I am here today to tell you something, tell you what I have been learning. I have begun to learn what it truly means to be free. I have begun to learn what it means to be invited to God's plan. I have begun to see why sorrow comes with the night and joy comes with the morning. I can honestly say God has been pulling my heart in more ways then I truly want. (Warning: if you are genuine about your prayers about being involved in God's Kingdom, be sure you are ready, God will answer)

I have learned so much what it truly means to be in relationship with friends and family. I am continuing my education on what it means to be in a relationship with a being that is female. I have learned so much about forgivness. I have learned so much about people.

I am still a sinner. I get that. BUT I also know that God is not calling me that. God calls me His Own. I am new and refreshed, while being filled with hurt and pain. (Reason- I blame prayer, and asking God to open my heart to the hurt around me)...

To that, I love you all.

Much Love,
Casey Hayden

OO Yea... let me explain.

Guys-
I have learned so much about who we are as men. I have learned that we are not the enemies to women (I know, weird right?). We aren't. We are the enemies to ourselves. My battle is not with women or other men, but with myself. Because of that battle with myself, it reflects on how I treat peope and interact with them.

I have learned something. I am going to tell you straight up. Men, you are strongest when you are weakest. God has this tricky thing going on in us that we will never understand, but for some reason when we are tempted and feel the worst, somehow God makes us extremely strong... Weird right? I mean think about it. When I begin to struggle the most with any given thing, somehow I feel like I am given this choice. I have a choice to either do the thing I really don't want to do, or choose to do the thing that is right. I meet with peers who have addictions of some sorts. One of the things I tell them is, the moment you feel the most temptation (that rock bottom feeling where you want to do it so bad, but do not want to at the same time) to drink to get drunk is the moment where God gives you the freedom to choose not to. Talk about powerful. When I talk with them about this I always hear about how they feel is if they have no power, but I try to always say, that is when you have the most power. Right then, in that decision, you have the most power to say NO, and walk away.

Our battle within ourselves is powerful. It is amazing when you truly examine us. I have seen something in myself and other close friends recently. Every Man wants ADVENTURE. We get sick and tired of the same things over and over. Adventure means something different to every man, but we want it.

So, I have some tips I learned about how to battle yourself:
1) Fight yourself. I am not saying like Dwight Schrute in that one episode of the Office when he fights himself literally. I am not saying punch yourself. I am saying though, inside all of us is this fear, this deep down fear of exposure. The moment we feel, is the moment we see something we don't want. I beg you here and now, to start fighting that inside you. Stop ignoring who you are, stop trying to show who you are not. I am going to reveal some secerts about us men. We hate when people see who we really are. We hate when people wrong us. We hate when people see our flaws. We hate talking about all of the above... I get that. But fight yourself. When you feel like you are falling into this person who you are not, I beg you to fight yourself. I beg you to choose the other way. When you start to feel like you are hiding parts of you, I beg you to fight that. You will end up feeling more empty that way. I beg this because I have seen it done to me. I know my real close friends can tell you how many times I have wanted to give up. They can show you the e-mails and letters and tell you about the conversations about me faking who I was, and what was truly going on inside me. I beg you because I always end up empty, and that is the worst feeling.

2) Adventure. You want to learn how to fight yourself, start adventuring. Sometimes go alone, sometimes go with others. Just go. Learn to be free. Climb a mountian or cure cancer. God wants us to freely and authoriatively move about this earth. Just take time, and just go. I promise you, life is waiting for you. I promise you there is something greater out there. Explore. Try new things. Broaden your horizens. Go boldly where no man has ever gone before.

3) Yell out to God. Don't be afraid to just yell and scream and work through your heart. It will be painful, but none of what I tell you means anything if you are truly captured and consumed by the battle within you. If Christ is true, which I know to be, then you are free. You are free from everything that this world has ever told you to be. Being a man does not require you to be JUST a strong, courageous, bold body builder, and I am not asking you to cry whenever you watch the movie Pride and Prejudice. I get that. But I beg you, don't hold it all in. I beg you to scream out to God to open your heart. God wants you to be free, but if you do not fight that battle within you, and start adventuring past yourself, you will never understand the truth of who God created you to be. We are not meant to be domesticated creatures, cookie cutted into a way of life. We are meant to live freely and to go boldly where no man has ever gone before.

4) I wil give you a secret about women- they are looking to be freed. Who knows, maybe God is wanting to utilize you to point out to a certain female they are free and can freely live. It is very interesting how Adam and Eve worked out. They obviously had to work through it all together. think I know why too. They were both EXTREMELY vulnerable. They learned together. They fell together, but got back up together, because God as not about to let them stay down.

Woman-
I just want to preface this with, I will never understand a lot of things about you. Especially back seat driving.... I am just kidding... But in all honesty, I want to share what I hae learned about women these past few months on my adventure in God's invitation to life!

I have learned that you truly do feel deeply. Your feelings burn deep inside you. Your feelings fuel your passions. Your feeling fuel your desires. Your feelings fuel your logic. I am not sure what it is, but one minute you could be listening to your favorite song, singing joyful, and then not but 1 second later, I can essentially create a waterpark from your tears. I don't get that, but I understand that the inner you screams joy, and screams memories that call for your tears. Because you feel deeply, I get that.

God Loves that. I always think of the strong female leaders that led because of the passions, desires and logic fueled by the presence of God and the nature of the feelings you have throug that. Mother Teresa is a prime example. She felt God calling her to India, and for years worked her way to get there. Upon her arrival, not too long after, she stopped feeling the presence of God in her life. But she kept going. Her feelings she had once felt from God kept her thristy for more and for others to have that same thrist. The best part is, her feelings of God being absent fueled her even more to strive after God by serving the people.

Now, suggestions:

1) Be like Momma T... JOKE. But I will say embrace your feelings. Address them and truly seek out what they mean. If you have a passion, it is likely that God is there with you. God is not calling you to be meek. I can promise you that. God is calling you to a passionate life fueled by the feelings of God in your life. Embrace it. Go for it. Don't be afraid of the inner you. Don't hide the inner calling. Don't be afraid to go into this world boldly and passionately. Because we need you to do that.

2) I have to talk about dating: Since all of you are so beautiful, I want to openly say this. Live freely as an individual, and never make a man your life. You will end up empty. Let that man be a compliment to you. God did not create us to be one person, but instead three strings wrapped together. They are not all the same string. They compliment and lead each other. They are diverse and beautiful, uniquely created with a purpose.

3) This world is calling you, but so is God. Here is the difference. God wants you to change this world with the inner you. One of our biggest failings as a christian community is when we tell women to be something they are not. When we tell you how to act, and what guidlines to follow, we forget that God created you differently. You can't change the world listening to the others telling you what to be. God created you to be who you are and to set the captives free with God.

4) Never EVER forget the story I told in my first letter about the rose: God always wants you no matter what has happened in life. Always, and nothing will ever separate God from that.

Both-
I just want to say a few things:
1) God is not going to show you your plan. God is just going to invite you to God's Hope for God's Kingdom. Sad answer I know, but when I realized that it was not about seeing what God has instore for me, but instead living freely through the invitation that God has for me into the Kingdom, I have become more thrilled with what God is doing through the lives of people around me and what God is doing through me! Our biggest problem is we always say it is God's will for me life, and so often if we enjoy it, we feel guilty inside because we feel as if this is not where God wants us. It is like this. I have asked God for years to help me pick my major. You know what God did instead. Did not answer me. I was asking God to tell me everything, but instead, God wants me to freely work through it all. I can tell you right now, God did not create me to be the CEO of a bank, did not create me to be an economist, did not create me to be a doctor. When I began to rule out those things, I began to see how Christ truly created me, and see how God was inviting me to be a part of His Kingdom. By not telling me, God gave me the freed to actively seek God out. I still have doubts about my major, but God is working with me through it.

2) Realize that God is not calling you a sinner. My life is littered with the phrase "Sinner saved by Grace"... But God is not calling me by the name of sinner. God is calling me as His child and by my name. God is no longer concerned with your sin, but instead thrilled by your willingness to Love. You are not some miserable christian, who is just a sinner. Christ died on the cross so that we are now reconciled to a different life. Whenever Paul talks about how we are all sinners, you know what Paul always follows it up with in the bok of Romans? How much God loves you, and wants you, and strives for you and how nothing can separate you fom God's Love, and how you are new and free and not held down by sin anymore. Christ did not free us from sin just so that we can in turn be labeled by it.

I love you all. Please, know that I am always here, and willing to talk about anything. Send me your prayer requests, ask me to go out for dinner or a cup of coffee. I would LOVE to e-mail chat with you if you don't want to go face to face. Call or text me at 651-470-4967. You are all worth it. You are all wonderful. Not one of you is worthless.

Much Love,
Casey

An Apology and some thoughts

I have realized more recently a few things about myself. I realize that I tend to make harsh statements, meant to attack to the very core of the problem. In most cases, that seems right, but in my case it has not tact. My timing has been off. So with that, I need to state a few things.

I do not hate John Piper. I do beleive he is a man of God. I enjoy some of his sermons. Do I disagree with his notions on Calvinism, yes, BUT in NO way do I feel like John Piper is a terrible man.

I do not believe that me attacking pastors openly is Godly. I believe that we are called to make peace. How can I make peace if all I do is point out the flaws of well-liked pastors, and try to destroy a reputation?

I need people to know, that I have been in the wrong. It is easy for me to tell every single person how something is wrong. It is easy for me to point out what I disagree with theologically, while calling out pastors. It is easy for me to be mis-interpreted.

To that, I am sorry. I am sorry for the frustration I have caused because of it.

Now, this is something else I need to say. Recently, I have been accused of many things involving my theology and apologetics.

I want to make something utterly clear. I want to tell you the Gospel I believe in.

I believe that Jesus Christ came to reconcile us to God. That means this. That God Loves us, and wants to be with us. But why did Jesus have to come?

Sin. When we chose ourselves, bettering our lives, create moments of injustice, bring oppression on our family, friends, neighbors and strangers, we sin. When we bring "Hell" to earth, we sin. When we go against the Light of the world (and the purpose), we sin. Sin is disquised in many ways. It ranges from lust to greed, from power to pride, from actions to words. Sin is disguised in the very acts that bring a pleasure that is fleeting. Sin has taught us how to feel guilty, how to live a life filled with temporary solutions. Evil has allowed things such as rape, human trafficing, murder, genocide, terrorism, starvation, and cancer to rule our thoughts, create doubt and seperate us from any sense of rationale when it comes to God. Our situations in life have led us to make choices, choices that we so often see lead to Drug addiction, alcoholism, debt, abuse, sexual impurity. Life has made us compromise, teaching us that God does not HOPE for the best for us. This is what has sepearted us.

It is in the seperation where the Beautiful Story Begins.

Even though this world has many oppressive, evil and merciless people. Even when we ourselves have done the wrong thing. Even when you and I have choosen ourselves over the light. Even as we try to hide all of that ourselves. Christ came to BE with YOU. Christ came to Save you. I believe that Jesus Christ came to be a light in the world, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world! (John 1) Jesus came to SAVE te world, not CONDEMN it (John 3). Christ desires to toss your guilt, your sin, your shame, your rage to the depths of the ocean, because NOTHING seperates you from the LOVE God has for you. How is Christ going to do this? Christ came to over power evil with LOVE! When the blind were oppressed, Christ healed them, and stood up with them. When the prostitute was about to be stoned, Christ intervened. When lepors were outcasted, Christ met them, despite what the world had said abot the lepors. When the woman came to be healed, Christ gave her faith that over powered her illness. When the many were hungry, Christ fed them. (There were many more interactions) Christ came in the world to make sin leave the world. However, we still needed forgiveness. Evil was still around. We were still sinners. We needed an atonement, a place where we recieve mercy. So the powers that be, chose to kill Jesus.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5)

It does not stop there. The Cross of Christ was our place of reconciliation to God. Our place where Mercy met us. Cross proved to have no power over the Love that God has for us. Christ died on the cross, ONLY to be resurrected to LIVE with us. The resurrection proved to be TRUE to what Jesus said He would do. The resurrection

The picture we gain from the Gospel is that God LOVES you. Nothing will ever stop God from Loving you. When I say nothing, I mean NOTHING. NO SIN, NO EVIL, NO POWER OR PRINCIPALITY OR GUILT OR SHAME OR DRUG OR ALCOHOL OR THE VERY FLEETING ACTS WE FILL OUR LIVES WITH, WILL EVER STOP GOD FROM LOVING YOU and DESIRING to be with YOU!

His life taught us how to Love others, His death brought us to a place of forgiveness and reconcilitation with God, His resurrection proved that HE wants to be with US! And NOTHING will change that.

That is the Gospel I believe in. A Gospel that teaches us to COME to Christ, Seek Christ, be soaked in Forgiveness.

This Gospel teaches us, WE ARE FREE. Free from our oppression, Free from our injustice, Free from our past, our sin, our guilt.

This Gosel teaches us that we have the Freedom to Choose Christ, because Christ has chosen us.

This Gospel teaches us that we do not have to accept what evil is, and we can destroy it. Christ has given us the freedom and the Love to overcome starvation, genocide, murder, rape, thrist, cancer, sex trafficing and anything that dares to rob us from the Love of God.

That is the Gospel that I preach. That is the God that I Love.

A Little Confused

I typically try not to write about things like this. I wish to never give them the time of day. BUT it has been too much for me recently.

I am sick and tired of being a part of a culture that determines what they are by the words we use. We continually judge people with our words.

The word "Retard" or "Faggot" or "Slut" or "Gay" are not appropriate. So why do we use them. We act like someone who has mental disabilities is stupid or useless. We act like someone who is gay is not a human. Heck, we even forget that their is a person behind the word slut.

But here is the large kicker. I hear people who say they follow Christ use these words all the time. And, I will be honest, it ticks me off. It ticks me off, because it is choosen to be said. I understand it slipping out, I do, but regular usage, makes me peeved.

Words are so powerful. When did it become ok to use the word Retard, but refuse to use the word B**ch. Tell me. What makes them so different in our little christian world? Tell me. I fail to see how we can call something so Gay, but frown when someone says that is so Sh**ty... (Pardon me for using the words)... It is such a double standard.

It does not stop here. I have been really peeved about what Christians have to say about others. Prime example- Joel Osteen. They have facebook groups talking about how he preaches a false gospel, and then if you read what it says on the wall, all they do is rip on him. They talk about how he is just this horrid man, and how we need to call him out and how he needs to repent. This on is my personal favorite: "I just flat don't like what Joel Osteen is doing. He isn't preaching salvation, it's prosperity. He is dragging people to hell, all the while keeping a smug smile on his face. Disgusting..." 3 people liked it, and 2 people even wrote how they agreed.

I am not saying at all that I agree with what Joel Osteen is doing, but I will never EVER talk about how he is dragging people to hell. I will however state this. If people hate what Joel Osteen does, and judge him soo much, but yet we let people such as John Piper, who preaches Reformed Theology (Calvinism), off the hook, or pastors like Mark Driscoll who openly use the word "Gay" and mock other pastors OPENLY. And we condemn Joel Osteen because he preaches a watered down gospel. Tell me, I beg you to tell me where Christ is in that.

Or how about this one. There was this fan page formed on Facebook called "No. I don't get high or drunk. I can just deal with my problems."

Obviously everyone who follows Christ should join this... I am kidding. This makes me sick. This is what their informations states: "Ever heard those people say they only get through life because they drink or smoke? They suck. Ignoring reality doesnt make it go away.".... You are right, this is EXACTLY what God is saying about them. I am sorry, they suck.... OO Yea, I forget, they already think that about life, so lets make them think that about themselves.

I want to tell you all why I believe in Christ, and what I believe about the ministry of Christ.

John 3:16-17

16 “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. 17 God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him."

God Loves Us. I am sick and tired of hearing this Gospel of Paul preached in every corner of this world, that ALL fall short of the Glory of God... We Know That. We know that Life is hard, and we make many mistakes. The Gospel is NEVER defined by what Paul says TO the Romans when all we tell people is "For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God."... Infact if we read before and after that, we see a closer correlation to how Jesus defines the Gospel.

I want to say something here, if I could, I would shout it. This is what I believe about the Ministry of Christ.

1 John 3:16-20

16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 17If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? 18Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 19This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence 20whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

Christ LOVES the people who get Drunk. Loves the people that get High. Adores women who have had sex. Christ Loves a straight man and a gay man. So why should we make them feel like crap. Should we not teach them about forgiveness? Should we not teach them a way out? Should we not show our Love towards them with the potential to receive (or not to receive) Love back? When did following Christ turn from Loving actions, to condemning words? When did we start following Christ with our lips, and ignore Christ with our life? When did we turn companionship into boundaries, with rules that limit us from Loving people freely?

Christ's love for people should transend through our life. I believe in the healing power of forgivness. I believe that we make mistakes, and sometimes, people around us effect us with them, and we feel led to the poor decisions. I also believe that 1 Peter 4:8: Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.... Proverbs 17:9: He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.... Proverbs 10:12: Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.... I believe Love is the healing power we are all in need of.

Christ did not die on the cross for just a select fortunate few. The ministry of Christ is not defined by His death, nor completed by it. The Death of Christ is our atonement, the Life of Christ is our teachings, the Resurection of Christ is our Promise.

I ask you now, that if you say you follow Christ, you stop making Him this intellectual argument, and talk about how His life aligns with the stars, mixed with the christianized theory of evolution, while we argue that Christ had 7 secrets that predestined us to Heaven. By the way, Jesus was not a republican either, and I doubt he would be one today.

This is what I am getting at. Freely explore Christ. Freely move. Love people freely. Stop condemning people for what they aren't, and start loving them for what Christ sees in them. You can't change someone by consistently pointing out their flaws, but you can change with a person if you choose to LOVE them.

Love is why God's Son came here. God's Love for you, for me, and every single person.

I believe that God wants us to be Loving with our words, careful with our thoughts, present in His truth and sacrifical & joyful with our actions.

With Love,
Casey Hayden

A Letter to my Friends PS Edition

P.S. Friends-

Today I write you in the same boat that I was in the other day, but I write you in a different storm. Today, I have come to recognize a few things that I failed to mention. In my personal light, I wanted to point out, that as valiant as I may have came across in my letter, know very well that I ALONE am weak. I could not do this alone. That is SPECIFICALLY why I resonate with Christ, not as my crutch, but as my Hope. I do not lean on Christ so that I may merely get by in life. I follow Christ, and lean on Christ when I am weak. God is not my crutch, God is one whom I serve, and God is the reason I do the things I do.

BUT, I want to expand. It is not easy to examine your life, and learn to Love yourself. In fact, I would say it is extremely hard. The moment you agree to have full Faith in who God is, and how God can shape your life, is the moment extreme FEAR and FRUSTRATION and GUILT set in. I promise you, if you try to make it on your own, you will learn the FASTEST ways to compromise inorder to feel like you are making the "safe" decision.

I am always in that boat, but I noticed it, and I want to share this with you to let you know, I am ready to get out. I am ready to learn how to be secure in WHO I am. I wrote that letter not in hopes that EVERYONE would instantly do the same, because some people are in GODLY relationships. I wrote that letter in hope that people would understand that there is more to life then finding your "soulmate" BUT more importantly be careful of who you call your "soulmate."

Much Love,
Casey

OO wait I should explain....

This is for the Men-
Stop waiting and start living.
No one wants a wimp, everyone wants a passionate and caring man. Guess what, not all of us (including me)believe we are that way. Not all of us know when to say the right thing, not all of us know when to say the honest truth about that hideous dress... But at the same time, there is a LOT to learn about how to be passionate, and how to be caring.

Trust me, I challenge you to meet wit someone who is following Christ and is also married.

Now, here is the real problem for most single dudes... You are asleep. You are asleep. You are not paying attention to ANYTHING going on around you. You are so indulged in your "dreams" about the way life should be.

Wake up. Your prayer needs to be "God, WAKE me UP." If you mean that, I promise you, you will have new eyes for life. If you are sleeping right now, I beg you to open your eyes so that you may see the beauty all around you.

Secrets for Men-

1- Women want to be cared for and sought after. At the end of the day, I would almost bet, that a woman wants to be cared for. Someone to just simply care about them, their day, their life. Serve her. Serve her. PLEASE, I beg you, take some time, and just serve her. Make her dinner, make her a gift, do something specifically for her. Don't do it rarely, do it often. Fight for her. PLEASE. If you truly care about her, and she cares about you, don't allow the world to break that, because all sorts of evil will try to. Serve together. Show her how you Love God and invite her to be a part of that. I promise you, a successful relationship points to Christ, provides Hope, pours Love and makes the woman feel honored, confident and radiant. The feelings of Love will come and go, but sticking to the fight is a continual battle.

2- Learn to sacrifice. Are you willing to do what it takes? Being in a friendship is like the first game of basketball, pursuing someone is like playing in the final four. Marriage, welp, that is a whole different game. Be willing to sacrifice in it. Make sure, that it is not all about you.

3- 1 Tim 6:9-10 "9People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs." A pastor once said, "Your Money screams what you worship"... What are you investing in? In fact, I would hope that the girl I invest in would ask me, how does your wallet look, and if I am quick to say "I am buying a boat" and then she asks me "Did youe tithe this month?" and I answer "Yes, but not the full amount, because BULLCRAP BULLCRAP BULLCRAP"... I pray she leaves me on the spot. Trust, a man who does not know how to handle money, and only desires to get things for himself, is a man FAR from the TRUTH. If all you do is build up your money, what are you going to do with it? I promise you, if you are generous towards others with your money, your life will reflect... This is a hard topic, trust me, AMAZON.com is straight from hell, just like chemistry (just kidding), but if you cannot learn to control, and give back and help, then your life will surely reflect it. I am not saying you have to give millions, but if you learn to give generously, is when you learn to take on Godly traits.

4- Let me tell you 3 secrets all in one. Facebook, Texting and e-mailing. This is possibly the WORST way to ask a girl to simply go on a date. I am not kidding when I say this, texting a girl "will you go out with me" while she is at her house, is possibly the WORST way to ask a girl out. Man up,(I will too), but seriously, writing on her Facebook wall is not only creepy, it is stupid. Don't do it. Stop. I am not kidding. You want to step out there, talk to her. You find her interesting, ask her out. If you fall in Love with her, ask her to marry you. This sounds simple, I know, it is nerve racking, NO MAN ever likes rejection, trust me, my friends make fun of me when I get nervous but I promise you, what is going to grab the attention of a woman, is a man who does not place his identity in how nervous he is, how much he fears rejection. Step up now, and you will learn how to step up in life. God loves the heart of the courageous because they will be the ones who desire to not be complacent, but find many ways to follow God (even into life of a woman).

5- Be adventurous. Stop hiding who you truly are. I know a wide variety of men, and I promise you, I have YET to meet a man who does not enjoy a good adventure. I am not sying go and climb mount everest, I am saying learn to get away and do something that you tyically never do. Keep things alive and make sure it is not complacent. It is hard to do that, but take one day a month and just say, on this day we are going to try this, and it will be new, and we may love it or hate it. OR say, we are going to go camping, or hiking or star gazing or cooking or go on a mission trip... Be adventurous.

6- Leave a legacy. Set a precedance. I pray that every man out lives his wife, so that he can take care of her while she is old. Your relationship should be such a light, that your children should want to view it as a model. If you follow Christ, and you believe in the restoration, you will recognize that sex is not the answer, having kids is not the answer (often times it hinders marriages), having feelings is not the answer... Loving God and her when it is not convinent for you, will teach you how to live a Faithful marriage and relationship.

7- Take a woman who does not take her faith in a shallow light. Both men and women fall for that. Just because she is hott, does mean she is following Christ. Just because you find her more beautiful then anyone, just means that you have seen how Christ created her body, but not shaped her soul. I am not saying physcial attraction is not important, but if you LOVE to be around a person, don't wait for her to lose 10 lbs, get lighter her and start tanning, because you should be punched then. Love a woman for her heart. NOW, what I am also getting at, don't take a girl who is shallow in her faith. I am not saying she has to have memorized the bible, but if she refuses to go to church, refuses to take part in serving... Drop her. I know, she is beautiful, but she is not Faithful. If she only cares about how you look, run from her. If she only cares about your IQ, run from her. If she does not Love to be around you, run from her. If she does not appreciate wisdom, run from her. Dating a luke warm christian girl, is like watching flag football for 5 hours with flat soda... Horrible and none adventurous. If you are intimadated by her Faith, SPRINT AFTER HER, because I promise you, it is a beautiful thing to be with a woman who is seeking God. I am not saying she has to be perfect, I am saying she should be seeking in deep waters.

For Women-
Start breaking down.
We live in a culture that clealy tells you how the BEST way to live is. I promise you, it is wrong. BUT more importantly, there is this lie about "What Type of MAN" you need to be going after... 6'4", blonde, blue eyes, wash board abs, tan, clean cut, works out, healthy, power player, millionaire who is charitable, does not go to church, does not talk to his family and so on...

If you can't date Jesus, then you need to re-think your positions on dating. I promise you, Jesus is not blonde with blue eyes and not 6'4"... I promise you that. I am not sure about his abs though?

Now, My hope is that you begin to realize we must begin to break down the culture is by growing in your LOVE for God.

Secrets-
1- Is it wrong to let a guy know your interested? No, but it is wrong to ask him to change your last name. Drop a hint, I will give you two- "If you asked me on a date, I would say yes" and "Genesis 2:18... yea... Think about it..." Literally, I meant it when I say do not pursue, dropping 1 hint is perfectly fine, but doing the work, get out. I promise you, it is ok for you to just drop a hint.

2- If he stops pursuing, drop him. Get out. You are beautiful, and if he is not willing to be continually walk with you, get out. If he stops seeking your heart, get out. Because it will only get worse. I know that is hard, but if he no longer is fighting for you, way would you want that? I promise you, if a man truly cares about you, he will pursue you and fight for you. He will make it know how he truly cares for you. If he stops, and you will know (when you go on a date, is he with you, or with his phone? When you visit your family, is he constantly finding a way to get out of that? Is he willing to listen when you are sharing your heart with him?) If he stops, I promise you, it will be hard to leave, but God did not intend to create you to be forgotten, unloved, unheard or beaten. If he stops pursuing now, how will your marriage look? Will he even ask you to get married? How will the rest of your life look? If a man does not Love you enough to encourage you in your relationship with Christ. If a man does not invite you to be a part of his heart while listening to yours, if a man is not willing to identify with Christ, if a man does not learn how to let you know you are special to him, Get Out. I promise you, just because he says he is a christian and is an amazing kisser, does not make him a Christ Centered man. I am sorry, but if a man is trying to get his hands all over you, and test how far you are willing to go, you will compromise, and you will begin to walk away. God created you to be beautiful, and if a man has already convinced you to this, I promise you, you do not have to live this way anymore, you can get out. If you are about to get into this, run. I know it is hard to be pure in this world, but there are men out there who are not going to desire to make you compromise, and they want to serve you and pursue you and fight for you. That is a man.

3- Don't go to your bitter single friends. Going to your bitter single friends will literally and typically lead to one conclusion- "Get out of that, he will just leave you anyway, all men are dumb".... Don't do it. I firmly believe there is no reason to take their advice. When a person is bitter, they are not focused on Christ, they are focused on how they have been cheated. I am not saying what happened to them was right, but I am saying is, know where their heart is at, otherwise they will be giving broken advice.

4- Don't be in a relationship with someone who you Love but want to change- I promise you, you will fail. Don't bother. If that man has a bad habit, (Yelling, Dramatic, Anger, Compromises) get out. Your Love is not strong enough to change him, leave him as soon as you can, because if you have to change him for his habits, you are going to have to carry him when YOU are in the valley. Love is not a convinent gift, and I promise you, if your goal is to change them, you will grow tired and weary. Their soul is not on your hand, and don't try and make it that way, because in the end, he will not grow. Why did Noah let the Dove go? Because if Noah did not, the bird would have never had a chance to return with hope. Let him go, and let God shape you.

5- This is short one- Dont wear clothing that draws our attention to areas that make us wonder what is underneath it...

Both

1- We all have baggage. I know that. I have baggage. I have junk building in my heart. I know we all have a past, things we HATE about ourselves, things we wish NEVER happened. Things that will literally tear apart marriages and relationships... If you don't address it. Everyone is carrying a burden, we all have a dark past. God knows that. God does not want you to feel shame about that. We know that pain is in us. Stop hiding in it. Stop living to hide your life and your past, because it will literally come back to bite you. You will learn how LOVED you truly are when you allow Christ to enter your life and be reformed in it. Stop hiding your baggage. I promise you, if you atleast bring the baggage in front of you, you can begin the process of being restored. When you enter into a relationship, if you continue to hide your baggage, you will spend all your time in marriage trying to hide it, instead of loving each other. God does not want to condemn you for your past, God wants to restore so that you may live freely. Evil wants you to carry that baggage, God wants you to know Jesus died to take that baggage!

2- It is good to be known as the "Prude"... Guess what, integrity is beautiful, and if people know you have integrity with out you having to flaunt it, MORE POWER TO YOU. There is something to say, about a person who has a good name (Proverbs 22:1 1 Choose a good reputation over great riches; being held in high esteem is better than silver or gold). Keep that good name, and guess what, if you fall, get back up, because that is a powerful statment.

3- You have to deal with the family. I am sorry, but suck it up. You need to learn to LOVE each others families, even if you hate it. Your families are a part of why you are the way you are...

4- This will be short- If you have to convince them why you are the right one, then you will spend your life doing that. Stop now. If someone does not see you for who God has shaped you into, then leave them. Trust me, telling them why you are a good person, telling them why you need to stay together is horrile. Convincing someone to Love you (or if they are trying to do that to you get out) will never work. That is not what God meant for you.

Lastly, the Devil is a liar. That jerk is going to try and tear apart the blessings we have. Fight it with trust, Hope, Love and Faith. I promise you, evil cannot destroy a marriage if it is honest and open, because evil is darkness, and if you open and share your darkness that you are giving to God, evil will be confused and unsure what is happening. The evils of the world are destroyed if you stop hiding the darkness. They will bring you down, but God's Grace will cover that. God's Love will cast out fear and cover over all faults.

Much Love,

Casey Hayden

A Letter to my Friends (Guys and Girls)

Dear Friends, Recently I have had some challenges in life, some things that have really tested my faith. I have been under scrutiny lately about my beliefs and way of life. I have been challenged to change what I believe and what I think. I have found myself in many ways trying to hide what I truly believe so as to appear not shallow, but somewhat real. Most of my friends may not believe what I am about to say, in fact, I would argue a LARGE majority will not. I am going to say it though.

I am electing to not date. This is not a recent decision. This is not fake. I joke CONSISTENTLY about it, about how I am going on a hot date, or find me a wife. I hope you truly know, I do not mean that.
NOW, let me clarify, this does not mean I have not given thoughts to dating someone, but I have elected fully to stay away from it until I get a few ducks in a row. I am not saying I need to be perfect, but I want to make sure that I am walkin what I'm talkin. (This does not mean that I will allows stay where I am at, it just means that I continually grow as I learn)

Thank and much love,

Casey

ooo wait, I should expand. Shouldn't I?

This is for the Men- Men, sometimes it is hard to be the brunt of women's problems and jokes, but I hope by the end of this, you may have learned some sweet things that I have learned. (I credit a lot of this to Perry Noble) If the only reason you are dating a girl is because she is hot and all you can say is "She is Hott!!!-- That’s awesome… Hell’s hot" (PN)

Now, this is where I may lose some people, but stick with me. I refuse to date a girl because she is "Hott"... Because if that is all I notice about her, I am CLEARLY missing the picture. I am not sure if most men understand this, but women were created from us. They were taken out of us. A part of us is missing and it was given to make a woman. They are not an animal that you name and place under your rules and regulations, and since they look good, they can stay a little closer. I promise you, you will learn more about Love if you recognize that women are our companions in life, and if you honor them as such, you will find a clarified picture of how Love and Marriage works. In fact, do you know what God said when he looked at Adam alone? God said it was NOT good for man to be alone...(Genesis 2:18)... can you imagine what True Love would look like if it was based of looks... or if God only let the "Hott" people into Heaven?

Did you know that God thinks everyone is Beautiful? God knows you will not be attracted to ever single girl, but God wants every single one of us to know that every single person is Beautiful.

Men, stop looking for inadequacy because I promise you will find it. Men, stop acting as if you have to be perfect, because I promise you, in the end you will learn to hate yourself. Men, stop trying to fix your weaknesses while over looking your strengths. These are our endless battles, we hate showing what we fail at, we hate not looking as if we have it together, we hate having one weakness. It is ok to be inadequate, because Christ has the strength to get through it. It is ok to not be perfect, because
Christ is making us perfect (if we let Him). It is ok to have weaknesses, just stop focusing on them, and start utilizing the passions God gave you.

Dog may be man’s best friend, but a wife is a man’s best companion.

Challenges for Men
1-Look at her character, not at her curves. It is ok to notice a beautiful woman, but if you undress her in your mind, get away. I pray that you believe you are in a relationship with someone who you cherish their beauty, but I pray you look for a woman with character and integrity.

2-Learn to be inadequate and Love yourself. Stop focusing on what you so wrong. You have strengths, passionately use those and go confidently in that direction. If you don’t you will live your life trying to make up for your flaws.

3-Learn to forgive freely. You will be wronged, and you will feel cheated. Forgive freely. I promise you, you will be more loving, more caring and more desirable if you learn to forgive quickly and move on.

This is for the Women- The best way to put it, you are beautiful, and you DO deserve the best. It is ok to want to be loved.

Now, I want to tell you something here. I want to let you know, you are worthy. You are worthy. I firmly believe that when Christ not only died for you, but lives in you, God made you worthy. You may not feel it, you may not recognize it, but I promise you, You are Beautiful and you DESERVE the best.

I know the world is screaming at you to compromise, because you are not worth it. Even as a Christian girl, you may even believe that you can shape him into what he needs to be… Girls, be saturated in Love.

You are not alone. You never have been. Your feelings of being alone can be destroyed. Don’t try to satisfy that craving by rushing God, and living life on your own.

Don’t compromise, because you will then cover up who God created you to be, a Beautiful Companion with a powerful soul.

Challenges for Woman-
1-Be real, do not be fake in your spirituality. If you have to prove how good you are to keep him, he is not worth it. The journey we take to follow Christ is important, and worth taking. It is an adventure… But if you fake your way through it, you will not make it. Be real, praising God is awesome, saying AMEN and raising your hands during the announcement section during the Church Service is a little extreme. If you are trying to look like you know a lot of scripture and try to fit it into conversation, just stop. Don’t do it. It is not worth it. If a guy is trying to have a conversation with you about the weather, you don’t have to say “YES it is awesome, and it was created by the Almighty Great and Powerful God who is my Lord and Savior.”… Don’t do it. I would rather have an honest woman, who knows 0 verses, and learns what it means to worship.

2-Do not pursue. If you have to do all the work in the relationship, if you have to make it all work, get out while you still can. Stop lying to yourself. If you have to do all the serving, and you have to make it work, and you have to build the relationship… Get out. And if you can’t do it yourself, get someone who can help you get out. I promise you, you deserve better, and there are men out there who KNOW you are worthy of a relationship where you are LOVED. You are good enough, and never compromise that. Never take a man who believes otherwise.

3-Don’t lie to get to know us. If you hate to go hiking, why would you say you “Love It.” If you hate sports, don’t fake it. Don’t try to snag our attention by what you are wearing either. Honor yourself, and be honest. Stop trying to get to know us by dressing in a way that dishonors who you are, and stop faking your way into knowing us. When push comes to shove, you will want to have a relationship that is built on truth and honor.

4-Don’t cry if you don’t get your way. I promise you, it will make matters worst. It is ok to cry, and sometimes you cry just to cry, I get that. BUT if you try to influence the situation with your water works, you will literally ruin the relationship.

5-Your past is your story, and God will make you whole. There is a great story to this, and it is about a girl who had attended a church service. She was a single mother, trying to go to college who was also in an affair. At the service, the pastor brings out a rose and talks about how it smells and how beautiful it is. The pastor passes it around, and preaches about how horrible sex is. He says comments to make you feel guilty about even having sex. Talks about how fun it may be, until you get herpes or pregnant. Sex will ruin your life outside of marriage. You will live a life of guilt. The pastor then after preaching asks for the rose back, and he looks at the rose which is broke now, smells like dirty hands, and the petals are all messed up and a lot are missing. The pastor then says “Who would want this… Who would want this rose? It is broken and useless and no one would want it”… The pastor failed to mention something- JESUS WANTS THE ROSE, Jesus LIVES for it. I promise you, no matter how many times you have shared your body with someone (no matter what your past is), Jesus still wants you. That is the MAJOR point of the gospel, YOU ARE NOT DAMAGED GOODS. Jesus came as one who knew no sin and then became sin FOR YOU, because JESUS LOVES YOU. Stop saying you are not worthy of a Godly man. You see, you are the daughter of a King, you don’t go to the darkness to find a husband, you allow God to bring you to the husband who God has passionately waiting for you. You may think your life is damaged, and dirty and ugly, but we have a God who is willing to get dirty and restore you. God will restore you… Sidepoint-Sex is not destructive, outside of the marriage context, it can damage our souls, BUT God is powerful through it.

Challenges for both men and women:
So Challenge 1- Seek the true beauty of everyone, ESPECIALLY the person you are in a relationship with. This means, if you are dating, take time to learn about them, take time to do things for them, take times to serve them, take time to volunteer together, take time to just be honest with them... When you seek the true beauty of someone, you will gain a strong faith in Love and Companionship.

Challenge 2- Do not compromise. Never Ever compromise your values to please anyone. Stand strong on your morals. If you have confidence in who you are, you will have confidence to do follow Jesus anywhere. Never EVER put yourself in a compromising situation either. There is a point to fighting temptation and fleeing. Fight temptation, flee from sin. Meaning, fight off ungodly desires, and flee from them. If you struggle with purity, then fight off the temptation, and run from it. Don't compromise to have a relationship either. Do not settle for just someone. Being in a relationship is important, but being with just anyone is pointless. Dating to satisfy your feelings will leave you empty. Think about if you married the person you compromised for, when you first started dating, you may have had an OVERWHELMING amount of Joy and felt LOVED, but once the complacency sets in, you will feel MORE alone then you ever have, but you married because you did not want to be alone, but in the end you will feel even more alone then you did before you were dating and married. When you seek the true beauty, you learn to not compromise. Don't take the person who flatters you, or makes you feel good temporarily, take the person who will Love you enough, and inspire you to follow God more deeply, to Love people with more depth, and to Love each other with an unbreakable bond. True companionship is IMPORTANT because it gives us a glimpse of God. If you have to battle satan and your thoughts of inadquacy, you are compromising. (Eve with the fruit?) Don’t do it.

Challenge 3- Don't do this alone. When you are in a relationship, involve other couples, involve people in your relationship because that way, you will be held accountable, but you will also be able to learn from others. Don’t be ashamed of your problems, I would bet everyone has or has had them!

NOW, the last thing I want to say. If we look at the life of Adam and Eve, they were not perfect, but I want to point something else. Adam had a relationship with Christ. Eve had a relationship with Christ. You want to know something cool. Eve was shaped and created by God and brought to the man who Eve did not have to compromise for.

So, if we have a relationship with Christ, and we allow God to shape us and mold us, and bring us to the person, I promise you, you will have problems in the relationship, but you will make it through and you will have a relationship built around Faith, Hope and Love.

I love you all.
Casey