10 steps to being a godly man and other farces

Relevant magazine posted an article recently titled: "Why don't the guys in my church ask women on dates?" The premise of the article- why aren't men brave enough to cross the friendship line and ask a girl out on a date. The author then starts to deliver points on how our culture of men needs to step up, and stop accepting lies. The author ties in some jokes about Josh Harris "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and how we need to be brave. On the outside, great article.

However, on the inside, they are absolute garbage. In the matter of 4 hours, I had 3 friends post the article. In the past 24 hours, I had over 10 friends post articles on "becoming a better man" and the gender of all those who posted- women. I get it, men need to be better. I just highly doubt a soundbite of an out of context point, will drastically change the heart of a man. I am personally convinced all of that is done through the Cross of Christ.

That is not the worst article on manhood. Here are my top 5 favorite titles:

10 Steps to becoming a man
19 little things that will make you a better man
10 no excuse ways to become a better man
25 ways to become a better man even if you can't be a perfect one
AND my number one:
75 ways to become a better man-GoodGuySwag

These articles provide the tangible formula for all men across the board to better themselves. On the outside these things sound great. They have solid principals like "ask a girl on a real date" and "be on time" and "floss everyday" and "be generous" and... you get the point. These a practical reminders... That I promise, do not make you a better man. They have NOTHING on Matthew 16:24, which is the premise and foundation of my blog post. "Take up your cross, and follow me."

You want to know why men are passive. It has nothing to do with our culture, or mixed messages on manhood, or the "left" or the "right" hijacking manhood. It has everything to do with just the guy and the bull crap he accepts as truth. There are a million messages in the world and don't get me wrong, men have been the leader of nearly all of our major problems in our world, but it is solely on the individual. They have led in gender inequality, pay differentiation gap, slavery, sex slavery, pornography, rape, genocide, war, and many other things. I am not blaming all men for these things, but individual men believed the message of perverted power. That is on them. I promise you, those articles would have not changed those men, and it would not have changed the men who are fighting against those things. The Cross of Christ changes men.

For the sake of all men, stop giving a one size fits all formula for how men "ought" to act, and start promoting opportunities to step up. I don't care about having a beard, or throwing an axe, or camping with my shirt off, or having muscles the size of mount everest, or hunting. I don't care if people care that I like loafers, or pinterest, or cooking, or fashion, or love stories, or taylor swift, or art, or shopping, or crying, or sitting with my legs crossed, or dancing, or fishing. I will never be that man in those articles, because I am not every man, and those standards are generic and myopic. Sure, I believe the Bible outlines biblical principles for manhood, but it is backed up with why, how, and grace, something these articles are missing. Sure, I have notes on pointers that I take to remind me of a few things. But I keep them secret because they are unique to me. Am I taking up my cross, and following Christ into our world? I don't know the formula for that.

So, you want to know why I don't ask girls out on dates at my church.... Because I am focused on finding who God is calling me to be, where God is leading me, and how I can partner with God in loving this world. My life does not revolve around dating. It doesn't revolve around my job. It doesn't revolve on being the best at something. It revolves on following God. I want to be brave. I want to be someone who brings the love, hope, joy, peace, and goodness of God to the world. I want to see orphans have homes. I want to kick down the doors of brothels and rescue children enslaved. I want to help prisoners who have children to be better parents. I want to provide a sustainable financial future for my family. I want to teach people how to budget. I want to dig full bars of soap out of a toilet at 10:00pm at a shelter. I want to have a home where people feel safe enough to find rest. I want widows to know they are taken care of in our community. I want to rescue people out of abusive situations. I want abusers to find healing. I want to help youth end bullying in schools. I want to see the elderly dancing and being welcomed. I want to be a part of this.

I am not focused on dating, because I am far more focused on what God is calling me to, where God is leading me, and how I can partner with God. My prayer is to not be passive in that. My prayer is not the GoodGuySwags 75 ways to become a better man. My prayer is that I follow God, and if in following God, I see the opportunity take a step in that direction, then I will move towards that, but I refuse to lose sleep over singleness while there is still so much to be done in this world. This is not an argument for being passive, it is an argument for going where God is leading. I know for a fact posting these articles do not prompt men to be better.

You want to be the person God is calling you to be, live life with others, and be mentored. I live with three other guys. We are all different. Can you imagine if we were all the same? How terrible would that be. The way we fight and care for each other is unique. If all my roommates and I acted the same, we couldn't come close to accomplishing what God wants for our community, especially if we were denying how God created us. We all play a role in shaping our community, the last thing we need is 4 of me running around, it would be one big mediocre event! I am thankful for community. I am thankful for people who have pointed me to Christ. I am thankful that there are some people, including women, that push me to be a better man, but all of this comes from following God. Which I contend, is difficult.

Conclusion
Be and Go where God is leading. That is the man our community needs. And if you are concerned about dating, that is fine, but don't waste time with articles that shame you into being less passive. Spend time and energy discovering who you are in our world. Find this through mentoring, community, prayer, volunteering, serving, resting, working, sitting, standing... There is no formula.

NOW, many people may disagree. I welcome it, because I do not know everything, and I do not have all the answers. I am ok with that. I have SO MUCH TO LEARN. I am always willing to grab coffee or lunch and talk more, or invite you serve with me places! I would LOVE that.