When we hate who we are Part 1

First and Foremost, Merry Eve of Christmas to you all. If you are reading this today, I hope this acts as an encouragement, not as a depressor. This is a powerful season that can often be misguided....

I got a message recently that says "Casey, I don't want to be me anymore...." Intrigued, I sent just a simple question back "Why is this?" His response, simple, profound and sadly, common. "Because if I can't accept who I am, how will others? I mean, I hate me. I hate how I look, I hate how I act, I hate so much."

I remember when I partnered with the Crisis Intervention Team years ago through one of my professors at college. We worked on a few projects together, and I helped when I could. I received a call, my first call ever, of a student attempting to take their life. I had read some of the messages she had sent to her friend. The first thing she says "No one would even notice I was gone, I am not like the other people...." There were an array of other messages, all pointing to this idea that they find no value, worth or beauty in herself.

The problem our society faces as a whole is often more of an inner battle. You see, in both of these situations, there was a

So then, we need to ask:

Do I accept myself? Better yet, what stops me?

If we fully address these questions, we discover a profound sense of freedom.

We often hold ourselves back more often then we should. We are afraid to confront who we are because we are looking for affirmation in any way we can. I think a lot of this stems from what we tie our value and worth to. For example, how many times have you heard a father tell his daughter "you are beautiful!" That is a remarkable thing, and more fathers should say that. However, it begins to tie the worth of the daughter to her beauty. It feels good to be praised, and when the opportunity comes to be affirmed, they will seek it out. A lot of times we go to great lengths to sense just a piece of that affirmation.

Same goes for guys. We tie our identity and worth to what we were told is manly: Strength. Being weak is frowned about. So we immediately created this complex and competition with in us that makes us strive to be the best in others standards.

Our belief about who we are matters. That the greatest commandment that we find in Matthew: "The two greatest commandments are this, Love the Lord your God with all you have and love your neighbor as yourself."

This can be taken in two ways, don't love yourself more than your neighbor or (as I take it) love yourself so that you may love your neighbor.

God knows that if we don't accept ourself, we will never accept others. We will envy them. We will compete against them in a negative way. We will constantly compare. We will not fully accept them as they are because we haven't accepted who we can be.

You see, you are beautiful, physically and spiritually. However, your beauty is not all you are. You are smart. But you are more than that. You are a joy. You are still more than that. You are needed. You are still more. I contend, if you believe in what scripture has to say about who you are, your worth will be infinite. You will recognize the freedom that comes from accepting who you are.

We fall into groups and stereotypes because it is easy. They tell us who we are. We know that if I fit in the nerdy group, there is a certain way to act. We know if we hang out with the jocks, we act like the stereotypical jock. We begin to mold our character to be accepted by that which attempts to define us. We become reserved and with holding of ourselves because of the fear that others will see something in us that could tarnish our acceptance.

This Christmas, I find great hope. I find this season to truly be a season of hope. We can find that hope in what is to come. We celebrate the Birth of Christ around this time of year. We point to this infant, born of a virgin, born into a world, broken, just like ours is today, and we discover that through the life, death and resurrection of this child, we have this amazing sense of freedom. You see, the life of Christ shows you, living passionately generates a faster rate of acceptance for yourself.

BUT you have to risk. You have to ask yourself, "Am I worth accepting myself? Am I worth it as a human?" I contend when you move past this, your ability to challenge and change the world becomes unstoppable. It is like a mustard seed, very small, but what comes from that is a massive tree. If you risk just enough, you create a tree. When you risk in relationships, it often hurts, mainly because the person you risk for, is typically in the same boat.

The problem is, we don't see it this way. We don't recognize that the life of Christ points to a life of freedom. Sadly, most of us stay rooted in the safety of our own routine. We fear what we can't see. We fear that we will be stretched in a way that hurts or worse, exposes us.

Take the story of Peter when walking on the water. Peter sees Jesus and decides to risk and walk on the water. It is going well, then Peter takes his eyes of Jesus, looks down and begins to sink. It would be easy to say the Peter lost faith in Jesus, but the reality is, Peter had no reason to lose faith in Jesus. Jesus was physically present. He did not have to believe there was a man named Jesus, for Jesus was right there. What happened to Peter is what happens to all of us. We lose faith in in how Christ can work in us. We sink because we forget who we are. We sink because the risk seems too heavy. We get caught up in the bizarre notion that no one will notice our absence. We get caught up in the idea that we are ugly, or stupid, or not good enough for people. We sink into a stream of invisibility because there we hope no one will notice the things we hate about ourselves. It doesn't have to be like that.

What I take away from this season is this: We celebrate the birth of a Savior that points us to a life of freedom. Freedom to love. Freedom to risk. Freedom to fail. Freedom to recover. Freedom to experience joy. We celebrate a Savior that shows us how to live, and to live well. We celebrate the birth of a Savior that believes in us as an individual and collective. Believes you can walk on water. Believes you can challenge the evils of this world. Believes that you can love well and be loved back.

We celebrate the Birth of a Savior that wants you, because this Savior knows all you can be and will push you to be that person. You are going to be missed, you are needed in our world, you do matter. This season is a reminder. There would be no way the birth of Christ would matter if God did not find worth in all of mankind.

My prayer is that we all know our worth, and that we show others just how worth it they are.

Merry Christmas Eve! I am grateful for a Savior that is leading us this year to challenge the evil that exists simply by being who we are.

In my next post, I am going to express a lot of my weaknesses. I get this feeling of frustration with who you are.