Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. This day brings many memories to us. In some ways it recalls tragic moments in our lives. It recalls times when loved ones were physically present with us. This day is rough for many people out there. For many families. For many communities.
Today is a day where we recognize one of the largest tragedies in our communities. I recall these tragedies as a person who meets with students every week, I see this topic every now and then. Even recently.
[I asked permission from this student before I shared this] I was meeting with a student many odd weeks ago. As I was talking with him over the phone, I kept listening to him say, "I am useless and no one would know I was gone anyway. Why does it matter. Why do you even care, no one else does...." As he kept going on, He starts to break down, and just keeps saying, "man I am pathetic, I need help, I hate dealing with this on my own, I just need help, I need someone to help me. I just can't seem to ask for help." That admission was more brave than he thinks. He use to tie weakness to help.
Asking for help is an act of bravery. In a world where appearing weak is frowned open, I praise those who ask for help.
However, this day is not about the person who is attempting to end their life. This day is about the people who are willing to intervene. This day is a call for all humans to recognize that they are needed in the fight for humanity.
It would be easy for me to offer you a simple set of philosophical arguments pointing to the importance of your involvement. Sadly, they will just remain philosophical for many. They often do for me.
Today is a call for all of us to be active participants in our communities. But what can this look like?
The best illustration I can offer is from the story of Lord of the Rings.
Sam: Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo? It'll be spring soon. And the orchards will be in blossom. And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields... and eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?
Frodo: No, Sam. I can't recall the taste of food... Nor the sound of water or touch of grass... I'm naked in the dark, with nothing. No veil between me and the ring of fire. I can see him with my waking eyes!
Sam: Then let us be rid of it! Once and for all! Come on Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you! But I can carry you! Come on!
[He picks Frodo up and starts carrying him up the slopes of Mount Doom]
Man, I tear up every time I think about this scene. This is how humanity is suppose to be. This was our intent. When our neighbor falls, we are suppose to look at them and say "I can't carry it for you! But I can carry you! Come on!"
This is what this day is about. A person getting ready to take their life is burdened beyond what we could ever understand. We can't carry that burden for them, but in times when they feel the weakest, we can surely carry them. We can participate in their life to the point where their burdens become less heavy simply because we are particiapting actively in their life. This is very hard to practice, because it calls for us to be vulnerable. However, it is necessary.
I want to share a few things that I try to practice.
1) Never assume they are mentally ill. One of the largest problems I have seen and heard is when people say "Is this because they are depressed?" or "What mental illness do they have?" Actually the best advice.Don't assume anything about them. It may not be bullying or family life or illness or pressure. Get to know people, and they will give you permission to see more about who they are and what they often hide from others.
2) Appreciate the Gray. Life is not black and white. No matter how much you want it to be, it just simply isnt. There tends to be a lot more gray in life than we like. Everything is not as simple as it seems, no matter how the media or near by gossipers assume.
3) Accepting your own beauty. It sounds weird. But one thing I always tell people is, you will never be capable of fully accepting someone else unless you fully accept who you are. Accepting who you are is not meaning you are perfect, it means you are willing to move forward from who you are to who you can be. You accept everything about you. I promise you though, you will never fully love someone until you start loving who you are, otherwise your insecurites will block your ability to love, you begin to doubt yourself, you begin to withdrawl from the world, you begin to hide who you are and can be. Accepting yourself is one of the first steps to loving others. Even in the context of Bible, the God I know, knows it is impossible for you to love someone unless you love yourself. How can you let someone in if you hate yourself? You are a live, which means you have value and purpose and meaning and are fully loveable. You are worth it. This is hard, but I promise you are more free when you accept yourself. Not to mention, you become use to the idea that you actually can be loved. That someone can actually love you. Then you start to let people into your life.
4) Value comes from many avenues. I was listening to a psychologist from seattle's School for Theology and Psychology talk about the most dangerous thing about telling your daughter she is Beautiful and your son that he is strong. He talked about how most of us tell our daughters they are beautiful and that our son is strong. The problem is, we often only tell them they are beautiful or strong. So when we do that, we tie their value to their beauty or strength. He also talks about how that is the case for everything. We create an avenue to what makes children have worth, then we sell them on their worth being tied to that item. (Sports, school, beauty, musical talent, etc...) The tragedy is, when children are not feeling worthy, they will turn to anything that will give them that worth. How can we as humans point to the personhood as valued? It is not what they do or how they look that make them worthy. I am not advocating ignoring your childs beauty, I am simply stating that we should create many avenues that point to their worth. Their worth is their life, their being. Your worth is the same.
I pray this day never happens again, but until we all begin to dialogue about what is actually the root of this, until we create avenues for people to be brave, until we live in a society where value is holistic in nature, until we begin to realize that humans are valued, not their talents, this day will continue. People are worth it, this day is about those who of us who must intervene, who must create an environment for the brave individuals asking for help to continue to ask.
Always feel safe knowing that you can ask for help. You are worth it, and asking for help is brave. You are not alone, you have an ocean of people whom find value in your personhood.
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