I appreciate the comments on the last post! I look forward to interacting more as this blog grows. I love all the friends who encouraged me on the last post! You all are awesome!
This weeks post is on Non-Violence. It is a movement I am exploring. This is one of the most difficult explorations I feel I have been on.
I was listening to another youth pastor share this story of his first experience meeting a minor who had been trafficked through the sex trade. He had said to me, "When you look into the eyes of this 13 year old girl, all you want to do is drastically murder every single person that has wronged her, even once. Not just simply kill them, but show the entire world what you think of these slobs who mess with these girls."
He is not alone. As I partner with organizations that fight and defend the rights of those who are robbed of their basic humanness, I notice full well the rage inside of my that demands I go out, kick down the brothel doors and rescue these girls. My response is almost always in relation to retaliation and retribution for the wrong doings of others. I have spent most of my life claiming I know God on one hand, and giving permission to violent responses on the other hand. I can't think of a time in the Bible where Jesus, our image of God, calls for responding with violence. This is disconcerting, considering most of the time, as Americans, our response is typically with physical domination.
For me, it is an identity problem. I feel violent when someone attacks me (even if it is my family or friends.) I feel the best way to get back at them is to respond in a negative and unhealthy way that shows how dominate I am, and how unaltered my life is by their comments.
I was listening as an older student was telling me about being bullied. They showed me a scar on their arm from being shoved by this bully. They told me what it was like to be shoved into a locker every day, to sit by themselves everyday, to be called names that were not even remotely true. This student, who is beyond brave, shared with me that they could endure all the physical "crap" if they would just leave their "family alone." I was caught off guard for a second. I thought they would say them self. They so gently, and without hesitation, responded by saying "I can deal with the comments about me, I know they aren't true, they still hurt, but I can't deal with how they talk about my family, or in particular, my brother." This person went on to explain why they felt sick to their stomach the moment they found out who their brother is. They said, "It took all of my energy not to want to clock these people in the face. Just because he was gay." I asked, why didn't you clock them, to which her reply was the best "Because I wouldn't want to end there. I would want retribution. And to be honest with you, most of the people who were bullying me had worse lives than I did. So, I move on, it took away their power." This is coming from the mouth of a person who was 16 at the time.
The whole time I am in this conversation all I think about is "Man, I would LOVE to just clock those people." We so easily fall into this trap that the best way to respond is to clock this person. I fall into the trap that the best way to rescue the minors who are trapped in a brothel would be to kill their pimps and captors. I mean, how many of you have that feeling, how many of you act on this feeling?
But is this healthy? It makes me actually call to question my faith. Did Christ ever respond in the gospels with violence? I mean, when Christ met with the outcasts, listened to the stories of being bullied, did Christ honestly ask them if they were going to "clock" those people? No. God knows where violence comes from. It comes from our pride, our desire to be number one, our need for domination. Violence coerces people into submission to our will and desires. It does no good. Responding with violence kills our case for Christ, it hinders our testimony. I believe that God so loved all the people of the world, which if that is true, then we must believe that those we wish to be violent against, God loves. God loves those pimps, those rapists, those people whom we hate, the bullies and people who simply grind our gears. If God loves them, and we love God, then logically should we love them too? Shouldn't we want redemption for them as well? If so, then why respond with violence? Why do I want to clock those bullies? Why do I want to murder those pimps?
I think, for some reason, that this swift justice will bring closure. Sadly, the opposite is true, and teaches others that it is okay to take revenge. Don't get me wrong, there must be consequences for our actions, for what these pimps and rapists do. There must be justice for the bullied. But justice can't be done violently, otherwise it dirties the Cross of Christ we are attempting to testify to.
In part 2 I will point out how I find Biblical Justice does not include the Death Penalty, Guns or other responses that involve tragic weapons, while praising the good cops and military folks of our nation.
In part 3 I will share how I am trying and attempting to respond to our world with hopes that it is non-violent. I will also share how terrible I am at this.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
My beef with Prayer
Please, do not take offense to what I say. I am simply stating why prayer is difficult for me. It is a large struggle. It is a weakness to me. It leaves me with more questions.
Why do we pray? I have always been taught that prayer is a conversation between you and God. It is not a public display or show. I understand prayer for understanding and direction. I get prayer conversing over decisions. I get why people pray for family and friends who have fallen ill. But there are a lot of requests I don't get.
Every week I read prayer requests from church, from groups in the community, from non-profits, from family, from friends and small groups; and every week, I am shocked with how many of these prayer requests are already answered. I am shocked that people have the nerve to ask God for blessings or resources to which God has already provided. I know, this is very shallow of me. This is a weakness of mine.
But, I just can't get over why a person who is wealthy would pray for the poor to have the resources they need to survive. I just can't get that.
I think of it like this. If my friend comes to me as I am eating a meal, and exclaims that they do not have the resources to eat, would my response be to pray for them? Would I pray to God about how to help them? I can only hope not.
A favorite professor was sharing a story about a time he was asked to speak at a church. While he was ending, they were taking time for prayer requests, one of the prayer requests was about the need for $3,000 for an orphanage to fix their vehicle and other mechanical problems surrounding the building. This professor stopped the person who was sharing and asked why would you pray for that which God has already provided. He then said, "Open up your wallets, take out whatever money you have and put it up here on the alter, if we don't raise the money, I will write a check for the rest." He started then pointed to everyone in the audience to come up front, drop their cash on the alter. People were pulling out crisp $100 and leaving very angry looks.
Why would I take time to pray for that which God has already provided? I don't get it.
I think of it like this as well too. Why would I waste time praying that God would end the violence in our world, and that human trafficking would become non-existent in our world when God has clearly, and I mean if you call yourself a Christian clearly, called us to end it in our world? I am not going to pray that God does Her part when we clearly don't care about doing ours.
Why would I pray that God would end poverty in our world, when God has already provided the means for us to do so?
Why would I pray that God would end world hunger, when God has already provided the means for us to do so?
Why would I pray that God would end the cycle of oppression, when God has already shown us the way?
Why would I pray that God would end the Government welfare programs, when God has been calling the CHURCH to take care of these people since the beginning?
Why would I pray that God would stop children from dying from preventable diseases, when we know full well that we can end this but just recognizing this....
I don't get it. I don't get how one who says they earnestly believe in God can genuinely pray for these things when they already have the means and path to do so.... Maybe I am just shallow and weak, which is VERY common, but I can't grasp why this is happening.
Why would I pray to God about whether or not I should do the right thing? Why? If you Love God, then you Love your neighbor. Your inactivity as you wait for what God has provided is best reflected by the infamous Irish Statesman Edmund Burke "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for Good men to do nothing."
My beef with prayer is that we turn it around to God as a wish list of things we want Him to do, when in reality, most of which we pray for has already been answered, but we are unwilling to see it because we know it will make us work harder, it will make us sacrifice, it will make us change.
This is the reflection on my sadly shallow view.
Why do we pray? I have always been taught that prayer is a conversation between you and God. It is not a public display or show. I understand prayer for understanding and direction. I get prayer conversing over decisions. I get why people pray for family and friends who have fallen ill. But there are a lot of requests I don't get.
Every week I read prayer requests from church, from groups in the community, from non-profits, from family, from friends and small groups; and every week, I am shocked with how many of these prayer requests are already answered. I am shocked that people have the nerve to ask God for blessings or resources to which God has already provided. I know, this is very shallow of me. This is a weakness of mine.
But, I just can't get over why a person who is wealthy would pray for the poor to have the resources they need to survive. I just can't get that.
I think of it like this. If my friend comes to me as I am eating a meal, and exclaims that they do not have the resources to eat, would my response be to pray for them? Would I pray to God about how to help them? I can only hope not.
A favorite professor was sharing a story about a time he was asked to speak at a church. While he was ending, they were taking time for prayer requests, one of the prayer requests was about the need for $3,000 for an orphanage to fix their vehicle and other mechanical problems surrounding the building. This professor stopped the person who was sharing and asked why would you pray for that which God has already provided. He then said, "Open up your wallets, take out whatever money you have and put it up here on the alter, if we don't raise the money, I will write a check for the rest." He started then pointed to everyone in the audience to come up front, drop their cash on the alter. People were pulling out crisp $100 and leaving very angry looks.
Why would I take time to pray for that which God has already provided? I don't get it.
I think of it like this as well too. Why would I waste time praying that God would end the violence in our world, and that human trafficking would become non-existent in our world when God has clearly, and I mean if you call yourself a Christian clearly, called us to end it in our world? I am not going to pray that God does Her part when we clearly don't care about doing ours.
Why would I pray that God would end poverty in our world, when God has already provided the means for us to do so?
Why would I pray that God would end world hunger, when God has already provided the means for us to do so?
Why would I pray that God would end the cycle of oppression, when God has already shown us the way?
Why would I pray that God would end the Government welfare programs, when God has been calling the CHURCH to take care of these people since the beginning?
Why would I pray that God would stop children from dying from preventable diseases, when we know full well that we can end this but just recognizing this....
I don't get it. I don't get how one who says they earnestly believe in God can genuinely pray for these things when they already have the means and path to do so.... Maybe I am just shallow and weak, which is VERY common, but I can't grasp why this is happening.
Why would I pray to God about whether or not I should do the right thing? Why? If you Love God, then you Love your neighbor. Your inactivity as you wait for what God has provided is best reflected by the infamous Irish Statesman Edmund Burke "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for Good men to do nothing."
My beef with prayer is that we turn it around to God as a wish list of things we want Him to do, when in reality, most of which we pray for has already been answered, but we are unwilling to see it because we know it will make us work harder, it will make us sacrifice, it will make us change.
This is the reflection on my sadly shallow view.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Why We Stay
It is 8:30 on a Thursday night, I am listening as a close friend of my is on the other side of the phone, in tears, wondering what they did wrong, how he could have done better, maybe if he looked better, or were more romantic or had more money, she wouldn't have left him. He stayed chasing her, begging to be taken back. He kept asking how he could fix himself to meet her needs. He called that love. But how could I blame him?
It is 6:30 on a Saturday morning, I am grabbing coffee with two friends as one begins to break down letting us know her then boyfriend is beating her. She told us all the same lines "It was probably my fault" and "He loves me, and doesn't want to do this" and "If I just become better looking and listen" at which we had stopped her from talking. Shocked that she could believe such lies. But how could I blame her?
It is 1:38 on a Tuesday afternoon, I am getting ready to fly home. I receive a text saying he can't stand being like this anymore. A pal of mine hated his job, hated his living situation, hated what he was getting into and personally hated himself. However, nothing is being done about this. He can't see any opportunity past his circumstances. But how could I blame him?
Why is this?
Because not one of us, and I mean zero persons, likes to leave what they know. We all fear beyond our situation. This fear immobilizes us. It makes us stuck. The idea of my friend leaving his girlfriend seems like a harsh concept. He would rather stay, change everything about himself than to be left alone.
If my dear friend would have just left him.
If my friend would just take a chance....
But they can't. They can't because it is difficult to invite someone beyond what they
So, we stay. We always stay. It is easier. We don't want to. We know the abuse is wrong, the neglect is draining and the lack of creativity is numbing, but we seem to want to stay. We assume the worst will happen to us, rather than realizing we can actually have what is better for us. We can have the girlfriend that cares about us, or the boyfriend who holds us, or the job that ignites a passion inside of us. But that requires us to move forward. We hate that. We fear it.
I mean, I literally have a friend who lives with her ex-husband because she is fearful of life without him. She would rather stay, endure the crap, than move on. Many of us would look at her with severe judgement, would push her to "let go" and "move on" with her life and her daughters. But how can she? What can she do? Are you going to take her in? We offer simple solutions, with very unrealistic applicable actions.
We stay mainly because we don't know what to do.
I remember listening to a lady share her story about finally ending her relationship with her then husband. She kept saying how for over 15 years she went back to him, kids and all, because even though she would be choke slammed or held at gunpoint, she at least felt welcomed to that. She felt secure in knowing what each day was going to be like; abusive, painful and draining. She said, the moment she felt the most free was the moment when someone said, "It doesn't have to be like this" and then proceeded to never give up on her for 8 years. She had lied to the cops about the abuse, lied to the friend, ignored her children until her oldest son was 15. She watch her husband humiliate their son. She did nothing. A few days later, called the friend, to which the friend simply said "I am going to stop you right there, because I could never imagine your pain, but I know deep down in your being you know this is not how you want your life to end. I don't know the end, but I surely know it doesn't have to be like this." Her friend stayed with her the whole time, not judging her because she took fifteen years to leave, not judging her for her willingness to stay, but simply offering a way out, a few phone calls to the police and her presence.
To many, fifteen years is too many. But how many of us can relate to these stories? How many of us stick it out in something we shouldn't? How many of us stay until it is unhealthy? I would argue, nearly all, if not all, of us have.
I don't think this problem is because we don't know there are other options, it is that we are so disconnected we are incapable of seeing beyond what is around us. We are absorbed by our circumstances. We become scared of Hope.
I can't offer you a way out. I can't offer you an adventure. I can't save you from this. My prayer is that you see there is a way out, you can have adventure, & what we find in Christ gives us a saving freedom. You have to discover this.
I don't know how you all operate, but I know for me, persistent presence, vulnerability, honesty, with-holding judgement and being open, reaches me. It helps me see beyond my circumstances. It helps me realize, I don't have to stay here, even if I am scared beyond belief for what could be next. I thank those people for that!
I want you to leave your unhealthy relationship, I want you to leave your unhealthy job, I want you to have good things. But my wants aren't enough. Your wants aren't enough. You have to discover that life is more free than you realize. That you don't have to abide by the normal rules socially constructed to hold you down. That you don't have to marry a model or a project, you can actually marry an adventurer, different from the rules we find.
But none if this will make sense if you are not confident in who you are. If you are not confident what your value is. If you are not confident you have purpose. If you allow others to determine all of this. Because of this, we stay. We sell ourselves short, even if it is a lie. That fear keeps us there. Welp, fear is a liar.
You don't need me to tell you that, you can discover that. Inside you is a well, what you fill that well with is your life, the nice thing is, at any point, you can fill that well with the life you need and deserve. Don't stay in the destructive aspects of your life. And if you do, be open to the people who can help you move. I get why you stay, but know, just know, "it doesn't have to be like this"
It is 6:30 on a Saturday morning, I am grabbing coffee with two friends as one begins to break down letting us know her then boyfriend is beating her. She told us all the same lines "It was probably my fault" and "He loves me, and doesn't want to do this" and "If I just become better looking and listen" at which we had stopped her from talking. Shocked that she could believe such lies. But how could I blame her?
It is 1:38 on a Tuesday afternoon, I am getting ready to fly home. I receive a text saying he can't stand being like this anymore. A pal of mine hated his job, hated his living situation, hated what he was getting into and personally hated himself. However, nothing is being done about this. He can't see any opportunity past his circumstances. But how could I blame him?
Why is this?
Because not one of us, and I mean zero persons, likes to leave what they know. We all fear beyond our situation. This fear immobilizes us. It makes us stuck. The idea of my friend leaving his girlfriend seems like a harsh concept. He would rather stay, change everything about himself than to be left alone.
If my dear friend would have just left him.
If my friend would just take a chance....
But they can't. They can't because it is difficult to invite someone beyond what they
So, we stay. We always stay. It is easier. We don't want to. We know the abuse is wrong, the neglect is draining and the lack of creativity is numbing, but we seem to want to stay. We assume the worst will happen to us, rather than realizing we can actually have what is better for us. We can have the girlfriend that cares about us, or the boyfriend who holds us, or the job that ignites a passion inside of us. But that requires us to move forward. We hate that. We fear it.
I mean, I literally have a friend who lives with her ex-husband because she is fearful of life without him. She would rather stay, endure the crap, than move on. Many of us would look at her with severe judgement, would push her to "let go" and "move on" with her life and her daughters. But how can she? What can she do? Are you going to take her in? We offer simple solutions, with very unrealistic applicable actions.
We stay mainly because we don't know what to do.
I remember listening to a lady share her story about finally ending her relationship with her then husband. She kept saying how for over 15 years she went back to him, kids and all, because even though she would be choke slammed or held at gunpoint, she at least felt welcomed to that. She felt secure in knowing what each day was going to be like; abusive, painful and draining. She said, the moment she felt the most free was the moment when someone said, "It doesn't have to be like this" and then proceeded to never give up on her for 8 years. She had lied to the cops about the abuse, lied to the friend, ignored her children until her oldest son was 15. She watch her husband humiliate their son. She did nothing. A few days later, called the friend, to which the friend simply said "I am going to stop you right there, because I could never imagine your pain, but I know deep down in your being you know this is not how you want your life to end. I don't know the end, but I surely know it doesn't have to be like this." Her friend stayed with her the whole time, not judging her because she took fifteen years to leave, not judging her for her willingness to stay, but simply offering a way out, a few phone calls to the police and her presence.
To many, fifteen years is too many. But how many of us can relate to these stories? How many of us stick it out in something we shouldn't? How many of us stay until it is unhealthy? I would argue, nearly all, if not all, of us have.
I don't think this problem is because we don't know there are other options, it is that we are so disconnected we are incapable of seeing beyond what is around us. We are absorbed by our circumstances. We become scared of Hope.
I can't offer you a way out. I can't offer you an adventure. I can't save you from this. My prayer is that you see there is a way out, you can have adventure, & what we find in Christ gives us a saving freedom. You have to discover this.
I don't know how you all operate, but I know for me, persistent presence, vulnerability, honesty, with-holding judgement and being open, reaches me. It helps me see beyond my circumstances. It helps me realize, I don't have to stay here, even if I am scared beyond belief for what could be next. I thank those people for that!
I want you to leave your unhealthy relationship, I want you to leave your unhealthy job, I want you to have good things. But my wants aren't enough. Your wants aren't enough. You have to discover that life is more free than you realize. That you don't have to abide by the normal rules socially constructed to hold you down. That you don't have to marry a model or a project, you can actually marry an adventurer, different from the rules we find.
But none if this will make sense if you are not confident in who you are. If you are not confident what your value is. If you are not confident you have purpose. If you allow others to determine all of this. Because of this, we stay. We sell ourselves short, even if it is a lie. That fear keeps us there. Welp, fear is a liar.
You don't need me to tell you that, you can discover that. Inside you is a well, what you fill that well with is your life, the nice thing is, at any point, you can fill that well with the life you need and deserve. Don't stay in the destructive aspects of your life. And if you do, be open to the people who can help you move. I get why you stay, but know, just know, "it doesn't have to be like this"
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